Finding strength in moments of weakness.

I haven’t blogged about anything since the year began. I must confess that lately I’d been at a relatively low state emotionally and psychologically which was beginning to take a toll on my spiritual life. I’d not been observing my quiet time with God as has been the norm. One of the goals I had given myself for 2015 was to spend at least an hour on Bible-study and another hour or more in private/prayer and worship daily. The first few weeks of January went as planned far as that was concerned. I was also enthusiastic about my other 2015 goals.

Somewhere in the middle of January, things begin to change….not for the better. I suddenly found myself losing the drive and motivation to do anything pertaining to my penned-down goals. The financial expectations I had just weren’t materializing. It was as if everything around me suddenly stood still. Health challenges set in…migraine headaches, on and off malaria and regular bouts of insomnia. Add to this the daily Lagos grind beginning with 5am alarms, long traffic-laden drives to and from work, and my energy level took a dip. On Saturdays (the days I set aside to work on other things) I’d be in bed most of the day trying to rest and recover from the week’s hustle. I started experiencing a spiritual disconnect due to not sticking to my daily prayer/Bible study routine. I got to a point and I was simply just tired.

I am typically a very strong-willed and optimistic person but at this point, I found myself actually giving into the fear of not achieving anything meaningful this year. I seemed to have become the perfect candidate for Satan – the accuser of brethren, to torment with negative thoughts, hoping that I would actually accept that nothing good will come my way. I started to feel inadequate, unqualified and simply not good enough for God to use in anyway. I would often hear these words in my head “look at your past, your mistakes, your mess…” I talked with my family a few times about what I was experiencing. They did an excellent job of gingering me not to quit after such conversations, but the negative thoughts would playback in my head and the vicious cycle began all over again.

All this culminated a few nights ago. While lying down in bed meditating, I realized that I had two options: to give up or to get up and get going. Deep in the inner recesses of my heart, I knew I couldn’t afford to give up. I just didn’t know how to pick myself up out of this state of lowliness. I didn’t know how to pray about it ether…I honestly didn’t! Opening up and sharing my problems with people has never been my forte. Mainly because I am aware that everyone is fighting a battle of their own and the last thing I ever want is be someone’s burden.

While chatting with a friend on Whatsapp the next day, I didn’t realize when I typed “I’ve been feeling depressed lately…just keep me in your prayers.” My friend ofcourse pressed to know what was wrong but I wouldn’t budge. I honestly didn’t know how to start talking about it. The advice he gave me was that I talk to someone about everything I was feeling. “Huh?”…I wondered to myself… “But I’m talking to you (or at least I’m trying to)”…I said to myself. We had a back and forth conversation then my friend said something to me that really struck a chord in my heart. “Just know that someone would do anything to be who you are, regardless.” Then he finally said… “I think it’s the right time to thank God for what He has done for you, members of your family…and praise Him in advance. Worship Him in totality, no distractions, (without the iPods and headphones). Worship brings down God. Your worship will bring Him close. You are a worshipper and this is who you need to be at this point. Don’t ask, just worship.” All I could say was “thanks for everything” and our conversation was over. I went to bed that night feeling quite ashamed of myself for my show of ingratitude towards God. Indeed God has been relentlessly loving, faithful, gracious and sufficient to my family and me. He has done so much for each and every one of us in the last year.

I may have been down healthwise, but I still have life. I thought about the late Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina who is currently comatose, breathing with the help of a ventilator. A few days before her incident, she was excited at new prospects for the year. Now, her family members are left praying for a miracle for her life.

I have decided to simply be grateful for life, to be able to breathe in and out, unaided….that is a gift that should never be taken lightly.

My friend gave me a hot serving of the truth…and those words have echoed in my heart since then. I have no reason to give up when truly someone somewhere is wishing they could have my life. That obviously means I am more blessed than I realize.

I learned a valuable lesson in all this...a lesson I believe will help you too. There are three ways I believe one can find strength and peace in moments of weakness: 1. Count your blessings. Take time to reflect on your life and you’d be amazed at how faithful God has been to you. 2. Maintain an attitude of thanksgiving inspite of your circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Realize that no matter how bad things are, someone is going through something much worse. Be grateful always. 3. Our faith must be tried and tested before it can be trusted. James 1:2-4 says: “…count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. "

If you can endure till the end, you will come out better.