Stop keeping up with the Joneses...find contentment in God

“Keeping up with The Joneses” is the title of the oldest running reality show in the world.
The plot of the show is centered on people trying to "be like" or to "compete with" a figurative set of people known as the Joneses. The Joneses are those people who seem to have everything in place...their lives seem every bit of the word perfect. They’ve got the money, material possessions (state of the art automobiles, fancy designer clothes, sprawling mansions), and fame. They are the people that everyone can’t help but admire. They get invited to every social event …and people can’t help but stare at them when they make their entrance… because their entrance must always be grand. Everyone wants to associate with them in order to “up” their own status in the society.

I could dare say that almost every adult has had a starring role in this reality show at some point in his or her life. Everyone has either intentionally or ignorantly tried to keep up with the Joneses. Be it by the clothes we wear, the friends we keep, the places we hang out, the gadgets we own, the people we marry, the schools we enroll our kids in.  We want to be accepted; to belong; we want fame…so we go out of our way to do the things that we believe will get us this desired end.

This may sound pretty normal and cool…but it is rather quite sad. You see people living a “million dollar lifestyle on a dollar budget.” You cannot afford to maintain a particular wardrobe but you spend all your money to buy pricey designer clothes. Some people have virtually gone bankrupt trying to maintain a lavish lifestyle that they simply cannot afford.

You go to places and do things that you actually dislike…in order to be liked by many – for popularity. People have gotten their priorities mixed up and messed-up. You sacrifice what really matters most in your life in order to obtain what you don’t actually need. You would rather spend your last dime to buy that super expensive smart phone that your neighbor has, than to buy food to feed your family. Sounds like fiction…but I know people who do this.

Everyday people are dying to who they really are on the inside in order to become who they are not...so the world will take note of them.  

While there are real-life Joneses around us (the well-to-do, the elite, the popular people about town)…believe me when I say that their lives are far from perfect. There’s not one single person on planet earth who doesn’t have problems and challenges.  You’d be surprised how many wealthy people go to bed at night wishing they could trade in their riches for just a day of peace. Many of them use these material possessions as a means to feel joy and happiness…yet they still haven’t found it. People today live with the regret of ending friendships/relationships even business partnerships which would actually have been more beneficial to them than the ones they are in now because they wanted to do what the Joneses were doing.

Bottom line is that no matter how hard you try to keep up with the Joneses you will never find contentment. You will always find yourself striving to do more to keep keeping up with them.  And as long as you keep trying to be who you are not, you’ll keep living a life that is so far removed from the one God had intended you to live.

Satisfaction and peace of mind cannot be drawn from money, material things, having many cool friends, travelling all over the world or doing whatever you think is the “in” thing. The more you look for peace from these sources, the more frustrated your life will become.  

I for one have learned and have come to accept that true peace comes from God - from having a relationship with Him. His word states: “You will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you; because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3). The word “peace” has its origins from the Hebrew word “shalom” which means: contentment, wholeness, completeness, and well-being. In the context of the above scripture, it means that if you trust God, and keep your mind stayed (focused) on Him, He will see that you are perfectly completely whole and content.

When you have a relationship with God, He will reveal His very purpose for your life. God will guide you on the path that you should tread. He will reveal what He has put in you that makes you uniquely different from the next person. You will recognize and believe that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” by Him. You will not be bothered by what people think (or may think) about you, about what you have or don’t have, how you dress…and all those things that we get anxious about.  When you are content, you can work towards achieving your dreams without wanting to compete with anyone…because you will understand the place of God’s timing, not man’s.

We must learn to make God the source of our contentment. Godliness with contentment is great gain.

 

 

WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED?

I had two interesting (to say the least), conversations with two different people yesterday that really got me thinking about relationships…but this time in a very different kind of way.
We can agree that it is natural for men and women to desire relationship with each other. God created us with that need for companionship and friendship. For most (if not all) adults, marriage is the ultimate goal of a committed relationship.  I believe that God’s idea of marriage is something that should be a source of strength and encouragement.  Marriage should make one a better person...in attitude, character and behavior. Let me say that it should help strengthen one’s “strengths” and weaken one’s “weaknesses.” Every individual who gets married should keep growing into a more positive version of his/herself over time. I truly believe that is what God intends far as marriage is concerned.

However, when we take a look around our world today, what we see in relationships is something very different from what should be….

In the first place, people are getting married for all kinds of reasons except the right reasons.
 
Let me start with the ladies.
 
Many women desire marriage for financial reasons. They see a husband as a meal-ticket to the good life. Such women believe that if they can just marry a rich man, all their problems will be solved. So far as the man is meeting all their financial needs, they don’t care about anything else that may or may not happen in the relationship; fidelity and loyalty isn’t even expected from the man most times. The women in this category are those who value material things over every other thing in life.

There’s another category of women who view marriage as a “status thing.” Once they become a “Mrs.” they believe they will be better respected by others. Infact for many of these women, their womanhood is based on being a “Mrs.” Such women see marriage as “the end” in itself. Once they get married, they don’t aspire to achieve anything else in life.

There are also those women who end up marrying due to external pressures either from family, or friends…due to the fact that they’ve been convinced that their so-called “biological clock” is ticking. In such cases, they are likely to marry the wrong person. They end up settling for anyone instead of waiting for the right one. Marriages like this will have a very low likelihood of thriving because two people must be compatible in order to even be companions in the first place. The fact that God created Eve out of Adam illustrates the concept of compatibility.

 Now guys marry for the wrong reasons too.

Many men get married for the sole purpose of procreating. Such men view marriage as being solely about having children. They don’t get the friendship/companionship part…which is actually the main reason why God instituted marriage. Remember God saw that Adam was alone and said it wasn’t good…so He gave Adam a companion. Children are one of the blessings that come with marriage, but aren’t the purpose for marriage (this is a topic for another day). A man who gets married for this reason is likely not to have genuine love for his wife. There are extreme cases of men in this category who tend to show more love to their kids than the wife. He may meet her material needs, but not her emotional needs.

Some men also marry due to external pressures, mostly from parents. When parents start pressuring their son into giving them grandchildren…the man is likely to settle for any woman whom he believes is “ripe” enough to bear and birth healthy children – grandchildren for his parents. He may not marry his true wife, his soul mate, his lifetime companion.

There are also men and women who genuinely believe they are ready to get married (when they actually aren’t) and end up in a marriage that drains them spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. In such cases it may be that their understanding of love and relationships has been misconstrued perhaps due to past experiences.

These are just some of the wrong reasons why people get married…there are probably dozens more. I highlighted these because they are the ones I’ve been able to observe in this part of the world where I live.

The conversations I had yesterday prompted me to put this piece together. I’ve often asked myself why it is that marriages are crumbling more now than ever before (especially amongst Christians). I asked God that question too, and the revelation I got is that marriages are ending because of this very fact that people are marrying for the wrong reasons...and to the wrong people. I’ve gotten a lot of revelations about this issue, which I hope to be writing about in due time. This is a subject which is very personal to me; hence my strong desire to know the real truth behind it.

Bottom line is that if one gets married for any other reason but the reason why God instituted marriage, one is likely to end up divorced, or live unhappily ever after (which is not God’s plan for anyone). If one marries a person that wasn’t meant for him/her, a person that one isn’t compatible with…there is likely to be more sorrow and strife…than bliss. Furthermore, any marriage that is truly established and approved by God, will surely stand regardless of what trial and/or challenge that may beset it.

I do intend to share in-depth on this issue, with the hope that people who aren’t yet married will be steered in the right direction, and not have to be faced with the possibility of a failed marriage, or a sorrowful one. Some people have had to learn the truth about relationships and marriage the hard way. This truly isn't my wish for anyone.

To be continued...

Who God calls, He qualifies...not by human standards.

God doesn't call people whom the world would deem “fit” to be used by Him in any specific way. This is because His standards and ways are very different from ours. (See Isaiah 55: 8-9). 1Corinthians 1: 25-29 reads, "...that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence."

 

This is a powerful scripture. You see He doesn’t choose the most outstanding individuals...neither does He call the wisest, most intelligent, or even well-spoken humans.  Even the way you look on the outside is not a criterion. The Bible tells us that “man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

 

When we study the lives of Abraham, Moses, Rahab, David, Jesus’ twelve apostles, Paul...to mention but a few...we'll find a commonality: none of them would have been regarded as qualified to be used by God.

Abraham came from a family of pagans who didn't recognize and worship God. Moses had a lot of issues...for one, he had a bad temper and he had killed someone before he fled Egypt. David was the least "kingly" of his brothers that even when Samuel was sent by God to go to the house of Jesse and anoint the future king of Israel, David wasn't even considered. He was just a shepherd boy. Jesus' disciples were about the lowliest men in Israel at that time. They were ordinary men...not men the elders and elite in the land at that time would have wanted in their inner caucus. Paul was a Christian-killer before He became a missionary. Rahab who was also used by God was a harlot...so was Mary Magdalene...who in the end was the first person Jesus appeared to after His resurrection. She took the good news of His resurrection to His disciples.

 

One of the world’s most beloved women of God, a woman God is using mightily to touch and change lives – Joyce Meyer, has spoken openly about her past life, the years of sexual abuse she faced as a child (by her own father) and the resultant effect it had on her emotionally, psychologically and behaviorally.

I'm sure many of us personally know people whom God is using in different ways, who in the past were totally messed up, and probably even written-off as being worthless.

God has never called anyone that is perfect to serve Him. The fact is no human is perfect. We all have our inadequacies and flaws. All have sinned and fallen short of God's glory; the Bible tells us...that is why we need His salvation. Jesus was the only perfect being who walked the earth and only He could have made the sacrifice He did for our redemption. And even after we accept Jesus into our lives, we are being saved every day. Every day we are being changed to conform more and more to God's image. Proverbs 4:18 states “But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.”

 

Truly, it is the grace of God that qualifies us to be used by Him, not our goodness. This grace He freely gives us on account of our faith in Jesus. Grace is a free gift..it can never be earned!

 Look closely at all the people I mentioned from the Bible and you will discover that they all had one thing in common: they had faith in God. This faith is what made it possible for them to be used by God. He called them and they believed and yielded to His call. Their faith is what they needed to be qualified…and He gave them the grace to carry out the assignment He placed them on earth for.

God has given every child of God (everyone who truly has accepted Jesus into his/her life, and has made the decision to follow Jesus) a specific grace to carry out a specific assignment. Yours may not be preaching on a pulpit, or mounting some stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people to sing or talk. However, you do have a God-given calling. The woman at the well of Samaria was used by God to bring Jesus into the whole of Samaria...Samarians were gentiles. And she too had a far from spotless life. Rahab’s assignment was to hide the two men that Joshua sent out to spy the land of Jericho from being seen and possibly killed by the King (See Joshua 2). The widow of Zarephath in 1 Kings 17 did what God asked her to do for the prophet Elijah and received a blessing in the end.

 

What am I saying?

 

There is something God has called you to do…a purpose, an assignment He has placed in you. According to Romans 8: 19 “creation is waiting for the sons of God to be manifested.” God has called you (child of God) to manifest (to and for His glory) and you must do so. Do not look at your imperfections or your circumstances.  You are qualified because of your faith in Him. Your duty is to stay rooted in faith and yielded to the Holy Spirit whom He has given to help us in our weaknesses.  Not that you should continue in sin, so that grace will abound. But do not resign yourself to your weakness, faults and flaws; do not think yourself disqualified. Keep depending on the grace to help you overcome and live above your faults. Also believe that God will supply all that is needed and more, for you to carry out this assignment.

 

You do not have to be perfect for God to use you…be available and He will perfect all that concerns you.

 

Let go and let God work His purpose in and through you!

 

A chapter from my walk with God...and some words of encouragement.

One of the greatest ways the devil attacks us is by attacking our thoughts. This perhaps is because he knows that if he succeeds in perverting our thoughts...he will find an entrance into our lives. The devil gets upset the moment we become children of God and makes it his mission to destabilize us with the hope of winning us back to his side.

Satan attacks the mind of believers by planting in it thoughts of guilt and self-condemnation. Whenever you start to condemn yourself by replaying past mistakes and wrong decisions in your head...note that the devil is warming his way into your path. I'd been there very recently; infact it is my experience with this that has inspired this piece. When you begin to hear thoughts like "you are not worthy of God's love," "you can never be blessed" "see how messed-up your past is" "you are not good enough" "God cannot use you"....know that satan is up to his schemes/tricks.

 

In my own case it became so bad that my prayer life was being affected tremendously. I'd ready myself to pray and the negative thoughts would kick in...."Do you think God will answer your prayers?" "God is mad at you and doesn't want to hear your voice." All kinds of crazy thoughts played in my head and ultimately I found myself really struggling in my walk with God. 

 

I'd been going through this cycle of negativity for several weeks...I was unhappy and honestly didn't know what to do to get out of where I was. I knew I didn't want to remain in this low state of mind. I chose to seek advice from a friend and this turned out to be the best decision I could have made.

The Bible in Romans 8:1 tells us that "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." No one, (not even the devil) can accuse a child of God because when we accept Jesus, we are redeemed and justified in God's eyes. When Jesus became a sin offering for us, God punished Him for our sake...and that punishment was once and for all. When we got born-again, we were set free from the law of sin and death and received grace and life in exchange! 

Romans 8:33-34 states, "Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us." You see, satan can accuse us all he wants, but his accusation cannot stand because in Jesus Christ, we are forgiven and we have been made new. Even when we make mistakes, Jesus makes intercession for us before God...and His grace is able to pick us up when we fall. When we stumble as believers and we stay down, it isn't because God has left us. 

Nothing can separate us from the love of God...absolutely nothing. (See Romans 8: 35-39). God loved us when we were yet sinners, and He will always love us. Paul could best understand the depth of God's love. He described himself in one of his epistles as "the worst of all sinners;" he had a terrible past. He once persecuted and killed those who followed Jesus. And yet, God chose Him, called Him, qualified Him and used Him to spread the message of Jesus to the world. If He could use Paul, he can use anyone...even you. No matter how tainted your past is. What qualifies us is our faith in Jesus and what He did. Our job is to walk and live by faith in Him. 

The devil will always try to mess with our minds by planting all these thoughts that are contrary to God's word in order to destroy our faith. But we must not allow ourselves to believe in what he says. Instead, we should believe God's word. When the bad thoughts come, speak God's word to counter them. This will continue to sharpen our faith and purge our mind of negative thoughts. The thoughts that dwell in our minds are extremely important as they determine everything else about us. Our thoughts become words and words become actions. So if the devil can put wrong thoughts in our head, he will set us on the path to wrong decision making that could ultimately have a negative effect on our faith and our relationship with God. That's what happened in my case.

 

After my friend gave me the much needed counsel and urged me to just "go back to God in prayer," I still didn't know what to say to God and the Holy Spirit prompted me to read Romans 8. I needed this word to remind me of who God is and who I am in Him. Its amazing that even in my moment of weakness, God gave me the word I needed to stand up again. See how He loves us?

I shared this word to encourage you not to give into the antics of the devil...no matter what. You are not who he says you are, you are who God SAYS you are. 

If God is for you, none can be against you. 

Shalom!