WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED?

I had two interesting (to say the least), conversations with two different people yesterday that really got me thinking about relationships…but this time in a very different kind of way.
We can agree that it is natural for men and women to desire relationship with each other. God created us with that need for companionship and friendship. For most (if not all) adults, marriage is the ultimate goal of a committed relationship.  I believe that God’s idea of marriage is something that should be a source of strength and encouragement.  Marriage should make one a better person...in attitude, character and behavior. Let me say that it should help strengthen one’s “strengths” and weaken one’s “weaknesses.” Every individual who gets married should keep growing into a more positive version of his/herself over time. I truly believe that is what God intends far as marriage is concerned.

However, when we take a look around our world today, what we see in relationships is something very different from what should be….

In the first place, people are getting married for all kinds of reasons except the right reasons.
 
Let me start with the ladies.
 
Many women desire marriage for financial reasons. They see a husband as a meal-ticket to the good life. Such women believe that if they can just marry a rich man, all their problems will be solved. So far as the man is meeting all their financial needs, they don’t care about anything else that may or may not happen in the relationship; fidelity and loyalty isn’t even expected from the man most times. The women in this category are those who value material things over every other thing in life.

There’s another category of women who view marriage as a “status thing.” Once they become a “Mrs.” they believe they will be better respected by others. Infact for many of these women, their womanhood is based on being a “Mrs.” Such women see marriage as “the end” in itself. Once they get married, they don’t aspire to achieve anything else in life.

There are also those women who end up marrying due to external pressures either from family, or friends…due to the fact that they’ve been convinced that their so-called “biological clock” is ticking. In such cases, they are likely to marry the wrong person. They end up settling for anyone instead of waiting for the right one. Marriages like this will have a very low likelihood of thriving because two people must be compatible in order to even be companions in the first place. The fact that God created Eve out of Adam illustrates the concept of compatibility.

 Now guys marry for the wrong reasons too.

Many men get married for the sole purpose of procreating. Such men view marriage as being solely about having children. They don’t get the friendship/companionship part…which is actually the main reason why God instituted marriage. Remember God saw that Adam was alone and said it wasn’t good…so He gave Adam a companion. Children are one of the blessings that come with marriage, but aren’t the purpose for marriage (this is a topic for another day). A man who gets married for this reason is likely not to have genuine love for his wife. There are extreme cases of men in this category who tend to show more love to their kids than the wife. He may meet her material needs, but not her emotional needs.

Some men also marry due to external pressures, mostly from parents. When parents start pressuring their son into giving them grandchildren…the man is likely to settle for any woman whom he believes is “ripe” enough to bear and birth healthy children – grandchildren for his parents. He may not marry his true wife, his soul mate, his lifetime companion.

There are also men and women who genuinely believe they are ready to get married (when they actually aren’t) and end up in a marriage that drains them spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. In such cases it may be that their understanding of love and relationships has been misconstrued perhaps due to past experiences.

These are just some of the wrong reasons why people get married…there are probably dozens more. I highlighted these because they are the ones I’ve been able to observe in this part of the world where I live.

The conversations I had yesterday prompted me to put this piece together. I’ve often asked myself why it is that marriages are crumbling more now than ever before (especially amongst Christians). I asked God that question too, and the revelation I got is that marriages are ending because of this very fact that people are marrying for the wrong reasons...and to the wrong people. I’ve gotten a lot of revelations about this issue, which I hope to be writing about in due time. This is a subject which is very personal to me; hence my strong desire to know the real truth behind it.

Bottom line is that if one gets married for any other reason but the reason why God instituted marriage, one is likely to end up divorced, or live unhappily ever after (which is not God’s plan for anyone). If one marries a person that wasn’t meant for him/her, a person that one isn’t compatible with…there is likely to be more sorrow and strife…than bliss. Furthermore, any marriage that is truly established and approved by God, will surely stand regardless of what trial and/or challenge that may beset it.

I do intend to share in-depth on this issue, with the hope that people who aren’t yet married will be steered in the right direction, and not have to be faced with the possibility of a failed marriage, or a sorrowful one. Some people have had to learn the truth about relationships and marriage the hard way. This truly isn't my wish for anyone.

To be continued...