WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED?

I had two interesting (to say the least), conversations with two different people yesterday that really got me thinking about relationships…but this time in a very different kind of way.
We can agree that it is natural for men and women to desire relationship with each other. God created us with that need for companionship and friendship. For most (if not all) adults, marriage is the ultimate goal of a committed relationship.  I believe that God’s idea of marriage is something that should be a source of strength and encouragement.  Marriage should make one a better person...in attitude, character and behavior. Let me say that it should help strengthen one’s “strengths” and weaken one’s “weaknesses.” Every individual who gets married should keep growing into a more positive version of his/herself over time. I truly believe that is what God intends far as marriage is concerned.

However, when we take a look around our world today, what we see in relationships is something very different from what should be….

In the first place, people are getting married for all kinds of reasons except the right reasons.
 
Let me start with the ladies.
 
Many women desire marriage for financial reasons. They see a husband as a meal-ticket to the good life. Such women believe that if they can just marry a rich man, all their problems will be solved. So far as the man is meeting all their financial needs, they don’t care about anything else that may or may not happen in the relationship; fidelity and loyalty isn’t even expected from the man most times. The women in this category are those who value material things over every other thing in life.

There’s another category of women who view marriage as a “status thing.” Once they become a “Mrs.” they believe they will be better respected by others. Infact for many of these women, their womanhood is based on being a “Mrs.” Such women see marriage as “the end” in itself. Once they get married, they don’t aspire to achieve anything else in life.

There are also those women who end up marrying due to external pressures either from family, or friends…due to the fact that they’ve been convinced that their so-called “biological clock” is ticking. In such cases, they are likely to marry the wrong person. They end up settling for anyone instead of waiting for the right one. Marriages like this will have a very low likelihood of thriving because two people must be compatible in order to even be companions in the first place. The fact that God created Eve out of Adam illustrates the concept of compatibility.

 Now guys marry for the wrong reasons too.

Many men get married for the sole purpose of procreating. Such men view marriage as being solely about having children. They don’t get the friendship/companionship part…which is actually the main reason why God instituted marriage. Remember God saw that Adam was alone and said it wasn’t good…so He gave Adam a companion. Children are one of the blessings that come with marriage, but aren’t the purpose for marriage (this is a topic for another day). A man who gets married for this reason is likely not to have genuine love for his wife. There are extreme cases of men in this category who tend to show more love to their kids than the wife. He may meet her material needs, but not her emotional needs.

Some men also marry due to external pressures, mostly from parents. When parents start pressuring their son into giving them grandchildren…the man is likely to settle for any woman whom he believes is “ripe” enough to bear and birth healthy children – grandchildren for his parents. He may not marry his true wife, his soul mate, his lifetime companion.

There are also men and women who genuinely believe they are ready to get married (when they actually aren’t) and end up in a marriage that drains them spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. In such cases it may be that their understanding of love and relationships has been misconstrued perhaps due to past experiences.

These are just some of the wrong reasons why people get married…there are probably dozens more. I highlighted these because they are the ones I’ve been able to observe in this part of the world where I live.

The conversations I had yesterday prompted me to put this piece together. I’ve often asked myself why it is that marriages are crumbling more now than ever before (especially amongst Christians). I asked God that question too, and the revelation I got is that marriages are ending because of this very fact that people are marrying for the wrong reasons...and to the wrong people. I’ve gotten a lot of revelations about this issue, which I hope to be writing about in due time. This is a subject which is very personal to me; hence my strong desire to know the real truth behind it.

Bottom line is that if one gets married for any other reason but the reason why God instituted marriage, one is likely to end up divorced, or live unhappily ever after (which is not God’s plan for anyone). If one marries a person that wasn’t meant for him/her, a person that one isn’t compatible with…there is likely to be more sorrow and strife…than bliss. Furthermore, any marriage that is truly established and approved by God, will surely stand regardless of what trial and/or challenge that may beset it.

I do intend to share in-depth on this issue, with the hope that people who aren’t yet married will be steered in the right direction, and not have to be faced with the possibility of a failed marriage, or a sorrowful one. Some people have had to learn the truth about relationships and marriage the hard way. This truly isn't my wish for anyone.

To be continued...

Who God calls, He qualifies...not by human standards.

God doesn't call people whom the world would deem “fit” to be used by Him in any specific way. This is because His standards and ways are very different from ours. (See Isaiah 55: 8-9). 1Corinthians 1: 25-29 reads, "...that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence."

 

This is a powerful scripture. You see He doesn’t choose the most outstanding individuals...neither does He call the wisest, most intelligent, or even well-spoken humans.  Even the way you look on the outside is not a criterion. The Bible tells us that “man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

 

When we study the lives of Abraham, Moses, Rahab, David, Jesus’ twelve apostles, Paul...to mention but a few...we'll find a commonality: none of them would have been regarded as qualified to be used by God.

Abraham came from a family of pagans who didn't recognize and worship God. Moses had a lot of issues...for one, he had a bad temper and he had killed someone before he fled Egypt. David was the least "kingly" of his brothers that even when Samuel was sent by God to go to the house of Jesse and anoint the future king of Israel, David wasn't even considered. He was just a shepherd boy. Jesus' disciples were about the lowliest men in Israel at that time. They were ordinary men...not men the elders and elite in the land at that time would have wanted in their inner caucus. Paul was a Christian-killer before He became a missionary. Rahab who was also used by God was a harlot...so was Mary Magdalene...who in the end was the first person Jesus appeared to after His resurrection. She took the good news of His resurrection to His disciples.

 

One of the world’s most beloved women of God, a woman God is using mightily to touch and change lives – Joyce Meyer, has spoken openly about her past life, the years of sexual abuse she faced as a child (by her own father) and the resultant effect it had on her emotionally, psychologically and behaviorally.

I'm sure many of us personally know people whom God is using in different ways, who in the past were totally messed up, and probably even written-off as being worthless.

God has never called anyone that is perfect to serve Him. The fact is no human is perfect. We all have our inadequacies and flaws. All have sinned and fallen short of God's glory; the Bible tells us...that is why we need His salvation. Jesus was the only perfect being who walked the earth and only He could have made the sacrifice He did for our redemption. And even after we accept Jesus into our lives, we are being saved every day. Every day we are being changed to conform more and more to God's image. Proverbs 4:18 states “But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.”

 

Truly, it is the grace of God that qualifies us to be used by Him, not our goodness. This grace He freely gives us on account of our faith in Jesus. Grace is a free gift..it can never be earned!

 Look closely at all the people I mentioned from the Bible and you will discover that they all had one thing in common: they had faith in God. This faith is what made it possible for them to be used by God. He called them and they believed and yielded to His call. Their faith is what they needed to be qualified…and He gave them the grace to carry out the assignment He placed them on earth for.

God has given every child of God (everyone who truly has accepted Jesus into his/her life, and has made the decision to follow Jesus) a specific grace to carry out a specific assignment. Yours may not be preaching on a pulpit, or mounting some stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people to sing or talk. However, you do have a God-given calling. The woman at the well of Samaria was used by God to bring Jesus into the whole of Samaria...Samarians were gentiles. And she too had a far from spotless life. Rahab’s assignment was to hide the two men that Joshua sent out to spy the land of Jericho from being seen and possibly killed by the King (See Joshua 2). The widow of Zarephath in 1 Kings 17 did what God asked her to do for the prophet Elijah and received a blessing in the end.

 

What am I saying?

 

There is something God has called you to do…a purpose, an assignment He has placed in you. According to Romans 8: 19 “creation is waiting for the sons of God to be manifested.” God has called you (child of God) to manifest (to and for His glory) and you must do so. Do not look at your imperfections or your circumstances.  You are qualified because of your faith in Him. Your duty is to stay rooted in faith and yielded to the Holy Spirit whom He has given to help us in our weaknesses.  Not that you should continue in sin, so that grace will abound. But do not resign yourself to your weakness, faults and flaws; do not think yourself disqualified. Keep depending on the grace to help you overcome and live above your faults. Also believe that God will supply all that is needed and more, for you to carry out this assignment.

 

You do not have to be perfect for God to use you…be available and He will perfect all that concerns you.

 

Let go and let God work His purpose in and through you!

 

A chapter from my walk with God...and some words of encouragement.

One of the greatest ways the devil attacks us is by attacking our thoughts. This perhaps is because he knows that if he succeeds in perverting our thoughts...he will find an entrance into our lives. The devil gets upset the moment we become children of God and makes it his mission to destabilize us with the hope of winning us back to his side.

Satan attacks the mind of believers by planting in it thoughts of guilt and self-condemnation. Whenever you start to condemn yourself by replaying past mistakes and wrong decisions in your head...note that the devil is warming his way into your path. I'd been there very recently; infact it is my experience with this that has inspired this piece. When you begin to hear thoughts like "you are not worthy of God's love," "you can never be blessed" "see how messed-up your past is" "you are not good enough" "God cannot use you"....know that satan is up to his schemes/tricks.

 

In my own case it became so bad that my prayer life was being affected tremendously. I'd ready myself to pray and the negative thoughts would kick in...."Do you think God will answer your prayers?" "God is mad at you and doesn't want to hear your voice." All kinds of crazy thoughts played in my head and ultimately I found myself really struggling in my walk with God. 

 

I'd been going through this cycle of negativity for several weeks...I was unhappy and honestly didn't know what to do to get out of where I was. I knew I didn't want to remain in this low state of mind. I chose to seek advice from a friend and this turned out to be the best decision I could have made.

The Bible in Romans 8:1 tells us that "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." No one, (not even the devil) can accuse a child of God because when we accept Jesus, we are redeemed and justified in God's eyes. When Jesus became a sin offering for us, God punished Him for our sake...and that punishment was once and for all. When we got born-again, we were set free from the law of sin and death and received grace and life in exchange! 

Romans 8:33-34 states, "Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us." You see, satan can accuse us all he wants, but his accusation cannot stand because in Jesus Christ, we are forgiven and we have been made new. Even when we make mistakes, Jesus makes intercession for us before God...and His grace is able to pick us up when we fall. When we stumble as believers and we stay down, it isn't because God has left us. 

Nothing can separate us from the love of God...absolutely nothing. (See Romans 8: 35-39). God loved us when we were yet sinners, and He will always love us. Paul could best understand the depth of God's love. He described himself in one of his epistles as "the worst of all sinners;" he had a terrible past. He once persecuted and killed those who followed Jesus. And yet, God chose Him, called Him, qualified Him and used Him to spread the message of Jesus to the world. If He could use Paul, he can use anyone...even you. No matter how tainted your past is. What qualifies us is our faith in Jesus and what He did. Our job is to walk and live by faith in Him. 

The devil will always try to mess with our minds by planting all these thoughts that are contrary to God's word in order to destroy our faith. But we must not allow ourselves to believe in what he says. Instead, we should believe God's word. When the bad thoughts come, speak God's word to counter them. This will continue to sharpen our faith and purge our mind of negative thoughts. The thoughts that dwell in our minds are extremely important as they determine everything else about us. Our thoughts become words and words become actions. So if the devil can put wrong thoughts in our head, he will set us on the path to wrong decision making that could ultimately have a negative effect on our faith and our relationship with God. That's what happened in my case.

 

After my friend gave me the much needed counsel and urged me to just "go back to God in prayer," I still didn't know what to say to God and the Holy Spirit prompted me to read Romans 8. I needed this word to remind me of who God is and who I am in Him. Its amazing that even in my moment of weakness, God gave me the word I needed to stand up again. See how He loves us?

I shared this word to encourage you not to give into the antics of the devil...no matter what. You are not who he says you are, you are who God SAYS you are. 

If God is for you, none can be against you. 

Shalom!

 

Is love inconveniencing?...

One of my Facebook status updates yesterday read thus: “The proof that we love someone is demonstrated in our willingness to be there for them when it isn't convenient.” I was actually watching Joyce Meyer preach on television when that thought dropped in my mind. Perhaps it was inspired by something she said. That notwithstanding, I re-read that post today and it got me meditating on the concept of love.

Generally, the world’s idea of love is made-out to be something that is pleasant; something that always feels good. In a very simplistic illustration, we would say that if we enjoy a person’s company, if he/she makes us giddy or cheery…if we experience the proverbial “butterflies in our tummy”…etc., then we can conclude that we love him/her. Many people therefore start friendships/relationships based on this premise. While its true that love should make you feel good...it isn't all about that.

The Bible tells us that “greater love has no one than this….than to lay down one’s life for a friend” (John 15:13). To “lay down your life” for a friend may not mean literally dying for the person…but it talks about sacrifice. It is about placing the other’s needs and wants above your own. It is about doing what may not necessarily feel good for you…but what makes the other person feel good. This isn't an easy concept to grasp. Let us look at the example of Jesus Christ. He left the heavenly realm, His throne; He forsook His royalty and divinity and came down to earth where He lived as a mortal man; He even wept…yes, Jesus cried. He was persecuted, hated, humiliated and on the cross, He suffered the worst kind of pain ever known to man. He took all the sicknesses of the world upon Himself, all the different types of pain there is and every would be…He bore on and in His flesh. Jesus didn’t feel good when He went through this torment and torture. When He went to the garden of Gethsemane to pray before the crucifixion, He asked God the Father if He could take that cup (of death) away from Him. This wasn’t a pleasant experience for Jesus, but He did it anyway. And He wasn’t forced…He willingly gave His life for us.

For us humans, it may never get to that point where we would offer our lives for someone else, ...but there is pain in love, sometimes...many times. Physical pain...and emotional pain too. I believe that the true yardstick for measuring if what we have in our earthly relationships really is love, is how we act during those inconvenient, painful moments. Those moments when would rather not be there for someone else, those moments when we have our own equally important things to do. If we can sacrifice our time, energy and efforts willingly, even when it may hurt to do so, when it may not feel nice …then we can say that what we have is really love.

Take a closer examination at Paul’s definition of love in 2 Corinthians 13: 4-7: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things….”

This passage of Scripture describes love as patience, appreciation, humility, gentleness, selflessness, compromise, not getting upset, forgiving...etc. None of these virtues are easy to imbibe and express. It isn’t easy to always be nice, kind and forgiving towards another person. He/she may truly do something terrible to you...and you may feel justified not to forgive...but you must! It is even most difficult to be selfless because we have our needs as well. But God’s word cannot be changed. If truly we say we love someone…then we must demonstrate all these good traits in all our actions towards them. The end result in a loving relationship is that both parties ensure to the happiness of each other...at all costs.

On a final note…If you’re reading this and you’re not sure if what you have in your relationship is truly love (according to God’s word) then you may want to assess your behavior and actions towards your significant other using the above mentioned scripture. If you show all of these virtues towards each other without holding back…then you are on the right track. If not then what you have may be everything else, except love.

Having a dream and the path that leads to success...

Regardless of whatever niche you are in, you cannot truly aspire for success if you don't have a clear mental picture of what you want. Talk to anyone who has succeeded at anything and they'd tell you that their path to greatness first began with a dream. I've heard stories of award-winning actors who had already envisioned themselves holding the award long before they even became famous.

In the Bible, we have the well-known example of Joseph who dreamed he would be great when he was just an ordinary boy.

Martin Luther King had a dream...he wasn't just saying so in that famous speech of his. He dreamed of an America where there would be equal civil rights for all races of Americans. Fast forward to 2014 and a black man is president of America.

Famous actor Jim Carrey told the story of how he wrote himself a cheque worth some millions of dollars (I can't recall the exact amount), when he was broke and struggling to make it in life. Long before he starred in his first film, he had a clear picture of just how successful he intended to become.

Frankly speaking, I do believe that every sane adult does have the understanding that they want to make "something" out of their life.  I believe that this comes to us naturally because God set purpose in our hearts right from our conception. However, many cannot give a clear-cut description of what that "something" is. Still, many have no realistic plans on how to achieve it. They don't take steps towards becoming what they wish to be.  Many people in such situations seem to just float through life hoping that their dreams will come true...or waiting for situations and circumstances to favor them.

Sadly, things don't work that way in the real world. You are not going to have perfect conditions and everything in life won't always be rosy. Sure, God can work a miracle in your favor in an instant, and yes! we must have hope and faith in the words He has promised.  But faith without works is dead! We must add to our faith, action. We can't just sit and do nothing. We must make the most of every opportunity we are faced with...even the unpleasant ones.

What does all this mean?

Well, walking the path to success involves having a dream, and making concrete plans on how to make it a reality. It also involves having the right attitude towards life. Take the example of Joseph who never saw his obstacles as setbacks; but rather as opportunities. At every place he found himself, he made impact, he remained relevant...even in prison.

In order to succeed, you must desire as much as you aspire. You  must be consumed by your vision. Talk about it as though it is a reality already. Remain driven and motivated. Be optimistic.

On a final note if you have a dream, then you should begin to identify your gift(s) and how such can become productive for you. Actually, your area of gifting and strength is usually the area where you will find success in life.

I hope to (in upcoming posts), shed more light on these principles which I believe can help us get on the right path that leads to success in life.

A momentary season of dryness, and then...

I have been feeling spiritually dry and disconnected for quite a number of weeks now. I must confess my prayer life hasn’t been so fantastic either. I mean yeah I do pray as often as the Holy Spirit prompts me to and I do read my Bible. But there has been an emptiness I’ve been feeling lately…and I became so troubled by this a few days ago. Sometime last week, I sat thinking to myself: “why do I feel like God is so far away?” “Why does my spirit feel so down?” “What am I not doing right?” Not only was I struggling in my walk with Him, but even doing certain things that were so easy before had become burdensome.

And as I sat whining to myself in melancholy, it was like I had a light-bulb moment! It hit me that the reason my spiritual life has been experiencing a drab is because though I’ve been talking to God, I haven’t really been connecting with Him.

There was a point in the past where I would spend hours and hours just singing to God…whether at home, in the car, before I slept, when I woke up...even at work. And when I wasn’t singing, I was playing worship music on my phone. It was so intense back then that I’d be asleep and would actually hear my spirit singing and worshipping God. I remember sharing a testimony about this with someone. During this phase of my walk with God, I always felt His presence so strongly throughout the day.  

Assessing my life over this past “dry" season and I realize that I’ve not been worshiping like I used to.  Hence, I’ve remained disconnected in my spirit from God. So even when I do pray, I pray from the flesh. And the scriptures state that those who worship God must do so in spirit and in truth. No wonder I felt disconnected from God! The intimacy was no longer as intense as it used to be. My flesh was communicating with God, but not my spirit.

This realization also led me to the revelation that we each have our own way of connecting with God. Our relationship with God is personal, and just like we know how to touch the heart of our earthly loved ones, we must also know how to touch the heart of God if indeed we love Him as we profess. We must discover what it is that gets God’s power source in our lives turned on. (I now know that singing does that for me). We must learn to bond deeply with God...in the same we desire to bond in our relationships with those we love.

We must endeavor to sustain an intimate relationship with God…and not one that’s simply a routine. When we touch God’s heart…He is moved, and will arise from His throne on our behalf.

I will openly say that since I discovered where the problem was in my walk with God, I’ve repented and I’m slowly getting back to that point where I was in the past. I say “slowly” because bad habits are difficult to break, and neglecting this aspect of bonding with my Heavenly Father was a serious bad habit. I do thank God though for His grace which is sufficient enough to help me in my weakness. The fact that I found out where I was falling short, to me demonstrates that God desires for us to be better for Him. That’s how His grace comes into play, and I do thank Him for this all-sufficient grace.

I've vowed to get back to that level of intimacy of God…to even grow deeper in my relationship with Him. You should too!

 

 

 

 

They that KNOW their GOD shall do EXPLOITS!

Today is April 1^st and yeah!, it is “April fool’s day” for those pranksters at heart who love to play practical jokes on gullible ones.  Most importantly however, today is the beginning of a new month.

 As usual, I woke up to read messages on my phone wishing me a happy new month. Logged into my Facebook much later and my news feed was inundated with status updates speaking good wishes and uplifting prayers for the month of April!

 I too, desired to post a goodwill message for my social media friends about the month of April 2014. However, not wanting to say “just anything” simply to fulfill all righteousness (as the saying goes); I decided to ask my father in heaven, God (the one who SEES and KNOWS ALL) what is in store for His people. Ofcourse like everyone else, I want to have a good, blessed and fruitful month. But above all that, I strongly needed to know what Yahweh had to say.

I didn’t pray. I simply, said “God give me a word for the month of April…tell me what you have planned for us.” And He answered through the Holy Spirit saying “they that know their God shall be strong and do great exploits.” I heard the soft voice clearly, vividly. I was excited. Ofcourse, I knew that those words are located in the Book of Daniel…more specifically Daniel 11:32. I got so excited and immediately posted this scripture on my Facebook wall.

I may have been feeling content that I had sent out a message of good will to my friends, but Daniel 11:32 got me meditating deeply.

Truly knowledge is power… for “they that KNOW their God shall be STRONG.” The knowledge we have of God, of the totality of His being, of His greatness…our knowledge (of who He is to those who know and love Him)….brings strength. What is strength? Power!  A scripture from Ephesians 3:20 comes to mind here which seems to lend credence to my previous statement: “To Him who is able to do exceedingly; abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” In other words, the amount (or level) of God’s power in us, determines how much of Him we see manifested in (and through) us.

 You see, our perception of God determines our desire (and ability) to receive from Him and how He is able to work through us. Oftentimes we only achieve small feats because we have somehow placed a limit on God. This stems from the fact that we haven’t actually come to KNOW just how GREAT He is. He is a God who created the universe out of nothing, a God that made this earth we live in to sit in empty space! Yes!  The earth is hanging on nothing!  If He could do that, then what is healing your sickness, or mending that broken heart of yours? What can’t He do for those ones He loves so much? What won’t He do?  He said it himself, “nothing is impossible to them that believe.”

There is absolutely nothing God cannot, and will not do for us. In 1 Kings 17, He held the rain because Elijah asked. He made the sun stand still for Joshua (See Joshua 10). Oh yes! The sun, stood still! I believe that these two great men of God in the Bible prayed such daring prayers because they KNEW who God was, and what He can do…and they BELIEVED He could do it! That knowledge mixed with faith gave them the strength to not only ask God for what seemed impossible in the eyes of man, but to also accomplish all the things they did during their tenure on earth.  There are even more examples in the Bible, of incomprehensible things God did.

And because God is unchanging, He can still do ALL that and even more. 1 Corinthians 2:9 states that: eye has not seen, ear has not heard, neither has it entered into the heart of man what God has in store for those who love Him. This means God will even exceed His own greatness. He will do more than what we know He has done… what we know He can do! Not only will He do great things for us, but HE will do great things through us. How awesome to know!

So when I asked God to show me what is in the works for this month of April, I believe He was telling me that we need to begin to see things from a different perspective. We need desire to know who He is, who He is to us, what He can do, and have the faith that He is who He says He is.

We can get this knowledge by taking off our human (carnal) eyes and putting on the eyes of the Holy Spirit especially when we read and study the word of God. When we view God’s word through the lens of His Spirit…we will begin to see God for who He really is, and not who we perceive Him to be. We also should yearn to get more deeply intimate with God…for He will surely reveal Himself to those who get close to Him. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you…the Scripture says.

When we truly come to know God and add faith to this knowledge….absolutely nothing shall be impossible for us! We shall be strong and do great exploits!

Thus says the Lord.

HAPPY NEW MONTH!