I have been
feeling spiritually dry and disconnected for quite a number of weeks now. I must confess my prayer life hasn’t been so fantastic either. I
mean yeah I do pray as often as the Holy Spirit prompts me to and I do read my
Bible. But there has been an emptiness I’ve been feeling lately…and I became so
troubled by this a few days ago. Sometime last week, I sat thinking to myself:
“why do I feel like God is so far away?” “Why does my spirit feel so down?” “What
am I not doing right?” Not only was I struggling in my walk with Him, but even
doing certain things that were so easy before had become burdensome.
And as I sat
whining to myself in melancholy, it was like I had a light-bulb moment! It hit
me that the reason my spiritual life has been experiencing a drab is because
though I’ve been talking to God, I haven’t really been connecting with Him.
There was a
point in the past where I would spend hours and hours just singing to
God…whether at home, in the car, before I slept, when I woke up...even at work.
And when I wasn’t singing, I was playing worship music on my phone. It was so
intense back then that I’d be asleep and would actually hear my spirit singing
and worshipping God. I remember sharing a testimony about this with someone.
During this phase of my walk with God, I always felt His presence so strongly
throughout the day.
Assessing my
life over this past “dry" season and I realize that I’ve not been worshiping
like I used to. Hence, I’ve remained disconnected
in my spirit from God. So even when I do pray, I pray from the flesh. And the
scriptures state that those who worship God must do so in spirit and in truth.
No wonder I felt disconnected from God! The intimacy was no longer as intense
as it used to be. My flesh was communicating with God, but not my spirit.
This
realization also led me to the revelation that we each have our own way of
connecting with God. Our relationship with God is personal, and just like we
know how to touch the heart of our earthly loved ones, we must also know how to
touch the heart of God if indeed we love Him as we profess. We must discover
what it is that gets God’s power source in our lives turned on. (I now know
that singing does that for me). We must learn to bond deeply with God...in the same we desire to bond in our relationships with those we love.
We must endeavor to sustain an intimate relationship with God…and not
one that’s simply a routine. When we touch God’s heart…He is moved, and will
arise from His throne on our behalf. I will openly say that since I discovered where the problem was in my walk with God, I’ve repented and I’m slowly getting back to that point where I was in the past. I say “slowly” because bad habits are difficult to break, and neglecting this aspect of bonding with my Heavenly Father was a serious bad habit. I do thank God though for His grace which is sufficient enough to help me in my weakness. The fact that I found out where I was falling short, to me demonstrates that God desires for us to be better for Him. That’s how His grace comes into play, and I do thank Him for this all-sufficient grace.
I've vowed to get back to that level of intimacy of
God…to even grow deeper in my relationship with Him. You should too!
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