Wednesday, 28 September 2016
Lenses360: Lenses360 Reality series: My Lagos Diary
Lenses360: Lenses360 Reality series: My Lagos Diary: EPISODE 2: Agege Without Bread By Koko Wanjiru Ekpo-Davids This is a rather hilarious story of an experience my husband and ...
Thursday, 8 September 2016
Lenses360: My Lagos Diary Series (Episode One)
Lenses360: My Lagos Diary Series (Episode One): A Tale of Two Traffic Jams by Koko Wanjiru Ekpo-Davids Two nights ago as I was headed home from work, we ran into a terrib...
Wednesday, 11 May 2016
ABUSE IS NOT LOVE
ABUSE...I experienced it in the past. First as a child, barely 12 years old at the hands of a relative who lived with us for a few years…a person we called “uncle.” A man in his late thirties (maybe older) as at then. I was in boarding school, but my nights at home during the holidays were dreadful…waking up so many nights to find him lying in my bed. That experience had a serious effect on me psychologically. I hardly like to talk about it in detail because it gets me very emotional.
Years later, I found myself in an abusive relationship…and at a young age too. I used the phrase “found myself” because the abuse didn’t start immediately. He was nice, kind and very caring at the onset. We were really good friends. But as time progressed, I started to see another side of him…he was controlling and got a kick out of belittling me. We were both in school then and yes! he was loaded with intelligence…but a dangerous kind of intelligence. I developed serious low self-esteem issues in the midst of this. I actually started to accept as true, most of the nonsense he was telling me about myself. He told me I wasn’t smart enough, I believed it. There was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse…but there were several instances of physical abuse (This is the first time I’ve talked about this openly). Like I said, I was quite young…so I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship or marriage. This was supposed to be about friendship…having someone to hang out with, study together, talk to etc. But it was far from what I’d expected. The relationship ended on a very sour note. I was left an emotionally and psychologically damaged person.
Yet, it wasn’t until my early adulthood years that I realized just how gravely scarred I was from my past experiences of abuse. I became afraid of confrontation…I bottled up emotions…never spoke up when anyone offended me. I learned to cry in secret and smile in public.
About men? Well…I didn’t believe there were any good ones out there, and I had this messed-up ideology that if a man treated me badly, it was because I deserved it. I allowed this mindset govern my future relationships.I didn't understand jack about love.
Another side of the coin was that I tried to create a persona that was so far removed from who I really was. I felt that nobody would accept me with all my issues and scars…so I tried to be who I was not...for years. I didn’t talk about my past. I repressed the bad memories. I would tell myself “None of that ever happened.” I'm not proud of that.
Being in an abusive relationship is dangerous. It will mess up your self-esteem, bruise your identity alongside the physical and emotional pain. I could have walked away from that toxic relationship as soon as things started to unravel…but I CHOSE not to, for reasons that seemed reasonable to me at that time: “He’s a nice guy,” “I can help him change,” “He’s just stressed because of school pressures,” all kinds of reasons. But I kept this person in my life far too long and I paid a price for it.
I’m always grateful to God He pulled me out of that dark place I dwelled in years after all of this had happened. I’m thankful for the Grace that healed my heart and taught me the true meaning of love.
I've learned that there's no justification in remaining where you're being maltreated, abused and beaten. No matter how much or how hard you love someone, they must recognize their bad habits/character traits that need to be done away with. You shouldn’t lose your soul, worse still your life, in attempt to save someone else.
If you’re in a relationship where warning signs of abuse are glaring…walk away! Don’t wait till the first push comes. A push today may become a punch tomorrow and the next week, you may be lowered six-feet under.
And no! Marriage will not make those warning signs disappear. What you see in a person before marriage is what you will get in marriage.
You shouldn't marry that man or woman who treats you like an inanimate object.
You shouldn't marry that man or woman who treats you like an inanimate object.
ABUSE is not LOVE. WALK AWAY!
Tuesday, 15 March 2016
I WASTED MY TIME IN THE UNIVERSITY!
When I graduated from the University with a degree in Biological Sciences, my plan was to proceed to medical school to become a doctor. I remember specifically telling my parents that I would specialize in cardiology. I seemed to have a thing for the human heart...lol. I wrote the prerequisite MCAT examination as is required in the U.S.A and even applied to a ...couple of Medical schools.
But then one day, my heart asked my head: "Is this really your life's dream?" As I couldn't answer a definitive "Yes" to that question, I lay that plan aside accepting that this wasn't my life's path. My wanting to study medicine was linked to the fact that I was good in sciences in high school so I just assumed medicine was an appropriate career choice. It's funny how in life we often think we know what is best for us, but usually what we think is best isn't what we need.
I have no doubt I would have been a good doctor...I had the intellectual capability, and the sight of blood and needles didn't freak me out. Phew! However, I know for a fact that I wouldn't have been a fulfilled person. You see, fulfillment has nothing to do with what degree you hold or the job you have. Most of the people whose names have gone down in history for their ingenuity and accomplishments in different walks life never sat within the four walls of any University, some don't have a degree to their name. Probably because they didn't find a course of study that ignited passion in them.
That's where PURPOSE comes in. Fulfillment, true lasting fulfillment, comes from discovering and working your life's purpose. You see, everyone on earth was born for a specific reason, in fact the psalmist captured this so aptly in Psalm 139:16. Our days were fashioned, written out, before we came into existence. We were created on purpose for a purpose and until we discover what that purpose is, we'll just keep chasing shadows.
I strongly believe that a University degree or certificate is of no use if it doesn't help you fulfill your purpose. I hold a Bachelor's degree in Biological Sciences, but I believe my University years were a waste because I didn't study what I was really passionate about. I'm not even using the knowledge of the human body I gained, in fulfilling my own purpose. I love coaching and counseling people, mentoring them as they journey through life, and helping them work their relationships. A couple of years ago, I realized that I should have studied Psychology, not Biology. I took quite a few psychology courses in school and boy did they fascinate me! Sure its not too late for me to get a second degree or so, but imagine how much I would have already achieved if I had done so when I enrolled in University. Also, I can't get back those years nor the money that was spent on my education, right? LOL.
Why am I making all this noise?
Well, I wouldn't want any of you to walk the same path I did. I wouldn't want you to spend four, five or more years in school doing something that will not be beneficial to you in your life's journey. I wouldn't want you to waste precious years...time is money.
I want you to discover your passion so you know how and where to channel your education goals. Your goal shouldn't be just to have a degree because everyone else does. Your goal should be to develop what natural ability is in you.
The Nigerian society has been lagging behind because we place value on people based on their educational background. We fail to understand that some people are born to be farmers, artists, singers, models, fashion designers, bakers, beauticians, barbers, hair dressers, photographers, interior designers, event planners, speakers etc and to be excellent at what they're doing. Not everyone must be an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant etc. Some are even born to create a path that never existed, to carve a niche for themselves...enter Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg.
I wouldn't want you to fit yourself into a box.
I want you to live a fulfilled, purposeful life.
I want you to spend it doing what you love, what you were born to do.
You only live once, you only have one chance on this earth before you exit. Make it count.
Break the mold. And believe that God will bless what He has put in you.
But start by asking yourself: "What do I love doing?"
© Koko Wanjiru Davids 2016
But then one day, my heart asked my head: "Is this really your life's dream?" As I couldn't answer a definitive "Yes" to that question, I lay that plan aside accepting that this wasn't my life's path. My wanting to study medicine was linked to the fact that I was good in sciences in high school so I just assumed medicine was an appropriate career choice. It's funny how in life we often think we know what is best for us, but usually what we think is best isn't what we need.
I have no doubt I would have been a good doctor...I had the intellectual capability, and the sight of blood and needles didn't freak me out. Phew! However, I know for a fact that I wouldn't have been a fulfilled person. You see, fulfillment has nothing to do with what degree you hold or the job you have. Most of the people whose names have gone down in history for their ingenuity and accomplishments in different walks life never sat within the four walls of any University, some don't have a degree to their name. Probably because they didn't find a course of study that ignited passion in them.
That's where PURPOSE comes in. Fulfillment, true lasting fulfillment, comes from discovering and working your life's purpose. You see, everyone on earth was born for a specific reason, in fact the psalmist captured this so aptly in Psalm 139:16. Our days were fashioned, written out, before we came into existence. We were created on purpose for a purpose and until we discover what that purpose is, we'll just keep chasing shadows.
I strongly believe that a University degree or certificate is of no use if it doesn't help you fulfill your purpose. I hold a Bachelor's degree in Biological Sciences, but I believe my University years were a waste because I didn't study what I was really passionate about. I'm not even using the knowledge of the human body I gained, in fulfilling my own purpose. I love coaching and counseling people, mentoring them as they journey through life, and helping them work their relationships. A couple of years ago, I realized that I should have studied Psychology, not Biology. I took quite a few psychology courses in school and boy did they fascinate me! Sure its not too late for me to get a second degree or so, but imagine how much I would have already achieved if I had done so when I enrolled in University. Also, I can't get back those years nor the money that was spent on my education, right? LOL.
Why am I making all this noise?
Well, I wouldn't want any of you to walk the same path I did. I wouldn't want you to spend four, five or more years in school doing something that will not be beneficial to you in your life's journey. I wouldn't want you to waste precious years...time is money.
I want you to discover your passion so you know how and where to channel your education goals. Your goal shouldn't be just to have a degree because everyone else does. Your goal should be to develop what natural ability is in you.
The Nigerian society has been lagging behind because we place value on people based on their educational background. We fail to understand that some people are born to be farmers, artists, singers, models, fashion designers, bakers, beauticians, barbers, hair dressers, photographers, interior designers, event planners, speakers etc and to be excellent at what they're doing. Not everyone must be an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant etc. Some are even born to create a path that never existed, to carve a niche for themselves...enter Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg.
I wouldn't want you to fit yourself into a box.
I want you to live a fulfilled, purposeful life.
I want you to spend it doing what you love, what you were born to do.
You only live once, you only have one chance on this earth before you exit. Make it count.
Break the mold. And believe that God will bless what He has put in you.
But start by asking yourself: "What do I love doing?"
© Koko Wanjiru Davids 2016
Monday, 22 February 2016
5 Ways To Make Your Marriage Thrive
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Friday, 5 February 2016
While you wait...Love yourself.
While browsing through your Facebook news feed, you find out that your old classmate from high school is getting married. Later in the day three of your friends call to tell you about their upcoming weddings.
By nightfall, you're feeling bitter-sweet. Happy for your friends but sad that another night meets you in bed alone. You're tired of your "single" relationship status. You dread family get-togethers because you can't run away from questions like "When are we coming to eat rice?" "When are you quitting bachelorhood?" "You mean you still don't have a man in your life?"
By morning, you start to wonder if marriage was meant for you. Relationships come your way, but they usually end before you even think of a long term commitment.
It's easy to feel frustrated when your love life isn't how you had hoped it would. Every human being has an innate desire for companionship and love...it's natural to want to share your life with someone. However, you don't have to sit around and sulk...You don't have to think yourself into depression because all your friends are getting hitched and you're still single.
Being single can be very productive if you see it as opportunity to ready yourself for marriage.
What do I mean?
While you're single and searching:
Fall in love with yourself. Afterall, you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first...you can't give what you don't have. Loving yourself involves treating yourself right, appreciating who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. It's not about being self-involved or self-centered.
Develop self-worth. The value anyone has on you is a reflection of the value you place on yourself. When you value yourself, you make less room for abuse. When you know your worth, you won't settle for less.
Lastly, get to know yourself. If you don't know yourself, you won't know what you can/can't deal with in a relationship. When you know yourself, you will know what qualities you truly need in a mate.
Truth is that marriage isn't something you jump into "just because." It is serious business and you should be amply prepared for the journey beforehand.
While you wait, love yourself.
Copyright © 2016
Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Monday, 1 February 2016
TOXIC (A Short Story)
My short story series continues. This one is titled Toxic.
Happy reading!
TOXIC
Tom lay on the dusty, raggedy mattress in his stale prison cell staring at the ceiling. He barely got any sleep the night before. How he wished that his confinement to this horrendous place was just a horrible nightmare.
But it wasn't so.
This was his new reality. He had to spend the next four years of his life behind these rusty steel bars. He lay there, not knowing whether to scream or cry or both. This wasn't the turn his life was supposed to take...not at 34 years of age, not ever! Tears welled-up in his eyes.
As he lay there soliloquizing, the prison warden's voice startled him. "Number 35, up!" Tom obeyed and stood up from the bed, drying his eyes before the warden noticed the tears. 35 was his cell number and would be his moniker for the entirety of his time here, as was the prison's tradition. "Come with me," the warden said unlocking the cell gate for Tom to step out. Another warden approached and handcuffed him. As the trio headed towards the staircase area...some prisoners peeped and yelled mumbo-jumbo at them from their cells.
Tom was taken to the visitors area.
Seated at one of the tables was a journalist with whom he had agreed to do an exclusive tell-all interview about his life. Tom's incarceration had made headline news all over the state.
The session began.
He recounted his childhood years, specifically living through his parents tumultuous marriage, the many tears his mother cried in secret; unknown to her, he always heard her sobs from his room. "It was tough to listen to my mother cry" he said holding back tears as he reminisced.
From the moment Tom began exploring the dating scene, he resolved to be everything his father wasn't. He vowed to love wholeheartedly, totally and completely the woman who would be his wife; to protect and care for her. "I swore that I'll never ever leave her side."
He met Anne in the University. Their relationship began as a very deep, close friendship, then blossomed into a beautiful almost fairytale-like romance. They both graduated on the same day and a year later, were married. He was 28, Anne was two years younger.
Three years and two kids later, Anne was terribly unhappy in her marriage. She had confided in her sister about her marital woes, how Tom had changed from a sweet, loving, doting husband to an extremely possessive, obsessive, jealous control-freak. She decided to tell her sister because Tom's jealousy had reached toxic level. He now monitored her every move, listened in on her phone calls, and would even get up at night to go through her text messages, emails and social media profiles. If he spotted any communication from any male person, he'd accuse her of cheating. Many times, he had cursed-out her boss over the phone believing him to be her lover. He never let her go anywhere (besides the office) alone, whether it was to the grocery store or running errands. His change of behaviour began after their first child was born. Anne told her sister she didn't feel safe with Tom any longer; that as much as she loved him, she wasn't sure she could remain with him. Her sister tried to talk some sense into Tom but to no avail. Even his brothers couldn't get through to him.
Anne had tried to leave Tom twice but he begged her to stay, promising to change his ways.
A few weeks after the second near break-up, some respite came Anne's way; Tom had to travel for work. Alas! She'd have a little breathing space...it was sweet relief for her. Being around her husband had become suffocating. A week after Tom left, her cousin flew into town and Anne insisted he stay over at their house rather than a hotel since he would be in town for 3weeks. She could use some company but what she didn't know was that this act would nearly cost her cousin his life. And hers too!
Two days later, Tom's trip gets cut abruptly and he heads back home, anxious to know what his wife had been up to. He didn't inform her he was returning, wanting instead to surprise her. He gets home and finds the front door open, goes in and starts calling Anne's name. He doesn't see any sign of his wife or kids downstairs and heads upstairs to their room. Anne's cousin Matt was resting in the guest bedroom. He hears a voice and quickly gets up to go see who had entered the house. The two men had never met before. Matt walks toward the direction of the staircase. Just then Tom comes out of his room and is miffed at the sight of his wife's cousin. "Who on earth are you?!!" Tom yells and Matt turns round. But before he could respond, Tom's fist was in his face. He staggers slightly but doesn't fall. "Oh wait! wait! Tom, i'm Matt, Anne's cou..." Tom lands another punch this time to his nose and it starts to bleed. He pushes Matt to the floor and starts raining blows all over him. They're now both at the edge of the stairs in a tussle. Anne enters the house at this instance and is appalled to see her husband beating the life out of her cousin. "Tom! Tom! Please let him go, please!" It all happened in about a minute. Matt manages to wrestle Tom off his body but another punch came flying, this time to his forehead sending him down the stairs. Anne watches in shock as her cousin rolls down the stairs; he lands just at her feet, unconscious. Tom heads towards his wife but she runs right out of the house, frightened to the bone. A neighbor passing by sees Tom running after his wife and instinctively goes into their house where he spots Matt on the floor. He goes in search of help.
***
Two weeks later, Matt is in hospital recuperating from the fall. He suffered severe injuries to his head, neck and had two broken ribs. Doctors said it was a miracle he was in stable condition after falling down two flights of marble stairs.
On the day of Matt's fall, when Anne ran out of the house, she didn't get very far before her husband caught up with her, dragged her to a wooded area in the neighborhood and beat her almost lifeless. He got back home to find the police waiting for him. The neighbor who had made the distress call explained how he had seen Tom chasing after his wife. Tom was arrested. Anne was found an hour after her ordeal, alive but in critical condition.
In the proceeding weeks, Tom was charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of attempted murder. Anne had maintained that her husband deliberately pushed her cousin down the stairs with the intention of killing him.
Tom's trial lasted about six months. He was found guilty of the assault charges. For attempted murder, he was found not guilty. His stuck to his story that he and Matt were fighting and Matt tripped in the process. He was sentenced to 4 years in prison. A sentence Anne wasn't totally satisfied with but was relieved that the trial was over.
"She hasn't visited me in prison even once. She can't bring herself to look me in the eye,... my brother told me when he last visited. I wonder if she'd ever be able to do so," Tom said shaking his head sadly.
Within his first few months of incarceration, Tom had been approached by several journalists for an interview.
During the trial, he alluded that he truly did love Anne and was only being protective over her. "My father was possessive, that's not me." He had also thought Matt was Anne's lover, hence the rage and attack on him. Several people testified about his maltreatment of his wife.
***
Tom resolved to do this interview because being imprisoned has broken him completely; he now realizes his mistakes, and is sorry for the pain, both emotional and physical his wife went through because of him. He also regrets what he did to Matt.
He ended by telling the reporter that he is sharing his story so someone can learn from his mistake. The fact that neither Matt nor Anne died was God giving him a second chance to start life afresh. "If they had died, I'd be locked up forever."
He wants people to know that negative past experiences and/events don't have to affect your life negatively. I really did want to be so different from my father who didn't love my mother...but I took it to the extreme and ended up becoming just like him.
He also warns on the dangers of extreme jealously in relationships." The more you try to own someone, the more you push them away. When you love someone, you don't cage them but you allow them freedom to be who they are. I'm on the path to being a changed man. I hope Anne forgives me, even if she and I may never be together again. It's going to be a rough four years ahead, but knowing I have a chance to start over when I'm released is all the motivation I need to maintain my sanity in here," he said in conclusion.
By Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016
Happy reading!
TOXIC
Tom lay on the dusty, raggedy mattress in his stale prison cell staring at the ceiling. He barely got any sleep the night before. How he wished that his confinement to this horrendous place was just a horrible nightmare.
But it wasn't so.
This was his new reality. He had to spend the next four years of his life behind these rusty steel bars. He lay there, not knowing whether to scream or cry or both. This wasn't the turn his life was supposed to take...not at 34 years of age, not ever! Tears welled-up in his eyes.
As he lay there soliloquizing, the prison warden's voice startled him. "Number 35, up!" Tom obeyed and stood up from the bed, drying his eyes before the warden noticed the tears. 35 was his cell number and would be his moniker for the entirety of his time here, as was the prison's tradition. "Come with me," the warden said unlocking the cell gate for Tom to step out. Another warden approached and handcuffed him. As the trio headed towards the staircase area...some prisoners peeped and yelled mumbo-jumbo at them from their cells.
Tom was taken to the visitors area.
Seated at one of the tables was a journalist with whom he had agreed to do an exclusive tell-all interview about his life. Tom's incarceration had made headline news all over the state.
The session began.
He recounted his childhood years, specifically living through his parents tumultuous marriage, the many tears his mother cried in secret; unknown to her, he always heard her sobs from his room. "It was tough to listen to my mother cry" he said holding back tears as he reminisced.
From the moment Tom began exploring the dating scene, he resolved to be everything his father wasn't. He vowed to love wholeheartedly, totally and completely the woman who would be his wife; to protect and care for her. "I swore that I'll never ever leave her side."
He met Anne in the University. Their relationship began as a very deep, close friendship, then blossomed into a beautiful almost fairytale-like romance. They both graduated on the same day and a year later, were married. He was 28, Anne was two years younger.
Three years and two kids later, Anne was terribly unhappy in her marriage. She had confided in her sister about her marital woes, how Tom had changed from a sweet, loving, doting husband to an extremely possessive, obsessive, jealous control-freak. She decided to tell her sister because Tom's jealousy had reached toxic level. He now monitored her every move, listened in on her phone calls, and would even get up at night to go through her text messages, emails and social media profiles. If he spotted any communication from any male person, he'd accuse her of cheating. Many times, he had cursed-out her boss over the phone believing him to be her lover. He never let her go anywhere (besides the office) alone, whether it was to the grocery store or running errands. His change of behaviour began after their first child was born. Anne told her sister she didn't feel safe with Tom any longer; that as much as she loved him, she wasn't sure she could remain with him. Her sister tried to talk some sense into Tom but to no avail. Even his brothers couldn't get through to him.
Anne had tried to leave Tom twice but he begged her to stay, promising to change his ways.
A few weeks after the second near break-up, some respite came Anne's way; Tom had to travel for work. Alas! She'd have a little breathing space...it was sweet relief for her. Being around her husband had become suffocating. A week after Tom left, her cousin flew into town and Anne insisted he stay over at their house rather than a hotel since he would be in town for 3weeks. She could use some company but what she didn't know was that this act would nearly cost her cousin his life. And hers too!
Two days later, Tom's trip gets cut abruptly and he heads back home, anxious to know what his wife had been up to. He didn't inform her he was returning, wanting instead to surprise her. He gets home and finds the front door open, goes in and starts calling Anne's name. He doesn't see any sign of his wife or kids downstairs and heads upstairs to their room. Anne's cousin Matt was resting in the guest bedroom. He hears a voice and quickly gets up to go see who had entered the house. The two men had never met before. Matt walks toward the direction of the staircase. Just then Tom comes out of his room and is miffed at the sight of his wife's cousin. "Who on earth are you?!!" Tom yells and Matt turns round. But before he could respond, Tom's fist was in his face. He staggers slightly but doesn't fall. "Oh wait! wait! Tom, i'm Matt, Anne's cou..." Tom lands another punch this time to his nose and it starts to bleed. He pushes Matt to the floor and starts raining blows all over him. They're now both at the edge of the stairs in a tussle. Anne enters the house at this instance and is appalled to see her husband beating the life out of her cousin. "Tom! Tom! Please let him go, please!" It all happened in about a minute. Matt manages to wrestle Tom off his body but another punch came flying, this time to his forehead sending him down the stairs. Anne watches in shock as her cousin rolls down the stairs; he lands just at her feet, unconscious. Tom heads towards his wife but she runs right out of the house, frightened to the bone. A neighbor passing by sees Tom running after his wife and instinctively goes into their house where he spots Matt on the floor. He goes in search of help.
***
Two weeks later, Matt is in hospital recuperating from the fall. He suffered severe injuries to his head, neck and had two broken ribs. Doctors said it was a miracle he was in stable condition after falling down two flights of marble stairs.
On the day of Matt's fall, when Anne ran out of the house, she didn't get very far before her husband caught up with her, dragged her to a wooded area in the neighborhood and beat her almost lifeless. He got back home to find the police waiting for him. The neighbor who had made the distress call explained how he had seen Tom chasing after his wife. Tom was arrested. Anne was found an hour after her ordeal, alive but in critical condition.
In the proceeding weeks, Tom was charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of attempted murder. Anne had maintained that her husband deliberately pushed her cousin down the stairs with the intention of killing him.
Tom's trial lasted about six months. He was found guilty of the assault charges. For attempted murder, he was found not guilty. His stuck to his story that he and Matt were fighting and Matt tripped in the process. He was sentenced to 4 years in prison. A sentence Anne wasn't totally satisfied with but was relieved that the trial was over.
"She hasn't visited me in prison even once. She can't bring herself to look me in the eye,... my brother told me when he last visited. I wonder if she'd ever be able to do so," Tom said shaking his head sadly.
Within his first few months of incarceration, Tom had been approached by several journalists for an interview.
During the trial, he alluded that he truly did love Anne and was only being protective over her. "My father was possessive, that's not me." He had also thought Matt was Anne's lover, hence the rage and attack on him. Several people testified about his maltreatment of his wife.
***
Tom resolved to do this interview because being imprisoned has broken him completely; he now realizes his mistakes, and is sorry for the pain, both emotional and physical his wife went through because of him. He also regrets what he did to Matt.
He ended by telling the reporter that he is sharing his story so someone can learn from his mistake. The fact that neither Matt nor Anne died was God giving him a second chance to start life afresh. "If they had died, I'd be locked up forever."
He wants people to know that negative past experiences and/events don't have to affect your life negatively. I really did want to be so different from my father who didn't love my mother...but I took it to the extreme and ended up becoming just like him.
He also warns on the dangers of extreme jealously in relationships." The more you try to own someone, the more you push them away. When you love someone, you don't cage them but you allow them freedom to be who they are. I'm on the path to being a changed man. I hope Anne forgives me, even if she and I may never be together again. It's going to be a rough four years ahead, but knowing I have a chance to start over when I'm released is all the motivation I need to maintain my sanity in here," he said in conclusion.
By Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016
Wednesday, 20 January 2016
DO WE NEED A RESOLUTION?
Anyone remember that dope song with the dopest beat "We Need A Resolution" by Aaliyah (of blessed memory)? I really loved that song.
Well, it had been playing in my head for a whole day some time last week. Strange and random right?...
I think Not.
Its a new year and everywhere is agog with resolutions.
To quit a bad habit, make big money, buy a house, pursue that dream, marry that hot chic in Church, date that foine man at work...LOL, lose weight, drink less Coke etc. These are just some of the resolutions people make whenever a year begins.
There was a time in my life when I didn't joke with new year resolutions. Year in, year out I would decide to do or not to do something. A few years ago however, I stopped making them. I stopped because I realized that resolutions just weren't cutting it.
Instead, I started a habit of goal setting. I've been doing that for three years and it's kept me on the right path of purpose.
Here's my formula: I set one major goal for the year. Then draw up monthly plans that are all tailored towards achieving it. I write down everything I need to do to work my plans in order to achieve my goal.
That's my yearly beat and it's been working for me. It's been more effective than resolutions.
And when things don't go according to plan, I see it as divine intervention because I only know in part. You see, God's plan and purpose for me is sovereign and sure than all the plans I could ever have for myself. And I have faith in His plan. Every time I felt a setback in my journey to attaining my goal, it was simply a redirection.
So I ask: do we really need a resolution? Me thinks not!
We need concrete goals and plans and we need to take action!
But I still love that song though.
Have a vision-full 2016!
Tuesday, 12 January 2016
FAVORITE...A Short Story.
My latest fictional piece.
Happy reading!
FAVORITE (A short story)
The sound of police sirens blazing in the air aroused the curiosity of the residents of Pebbles Lane, in the serene, upscale, gated Greenview Estate. A number of them rushed out of their houses to find out what was happening in their neighborhood. They noticed four police vehicles zooming down the lane and decided to follow after.
The cars came to a halt at house No. 5, a mansion that was a sight to behold...one of the most amazing architectural structures in this community. Modern but with some Victorian touches to it.
The edifice was home to The Alberts, a celebrity family; socialites in all ramifications.
Mr. and Mrs. Albert run a successful business conglomerate. They have three children...sons David and Tony...and a daughter named Pearl, the baby of the family. All three attended the most prestigious University in the country. They lived the typical lifestyle of the rich and famous; drove flashy cars, went on expensive family vacations, wore pricey designer clothes and were usually the most talked about people in the gossip blogs and society magazines. The Alberts had a lot of friends, even more admirers and very few known enemies.
Pebbles Lawn residents were perplexed, wondering what on earth could have brought these men in uniform to the almighty Albert fortress. Some were speaking amongst themselves in hushed tones.
An ambulance drove up to the front yard and a short while thereafter, a body was wheeled out of the building and into the ambulance. It was hard for anyone to tell if the person on the stretcher was alive or not. Mr and Mrs. Albert drove behind the ambulance as it sped down Pebbles Lane.
About 10 minutes later, the police asked those who stood watching the drama unfold to leave the area.
The next day, details of what had occurred at No. 5 Pebbles Lane began to filter in. It was like a scene from a horror flick. For those who were close friends of the Alberts, it was like a really awful nightmare.
*************************
It was a holiday weekend and the Albert kids had decided to spend it at home with their parents. On that fateful day, they were to host a small dinner-party with a few close friends and neighbors.
An argument had ensued between David and Tony in the late hours of the morning. David accused his brother of repeatedly demanding excessive amounts of money from their mother for no valid reason. He swore to make this known to the entire family. He was tired of his brother's thieving and lying ways. Tony lost his cool at that instant and began yelling how he hated the fact that he was the least loved son in his mother's eyes, inspite of his being the most intelligent and grounded. Everything he did was just never enough to please her. He craved the same attention she lavished on his siblings but never received it. He couldn't take it anymore.
Pearl walked into the room where her brothers were arguing and begged them to quit. To her, this wasn't like one of the fights the guys usually had.
Suddenly,Tony metamorphosed into some kind of lunatic...throwing whatever he could on the ground, yelling hateful words at his brother. He stormed out of the room, and returned about two minutes later toting a handgun. His two siblings gasped in fear. Pointing the pistol directly at his brother, Tony barked "I hate you, you are not my brother, I hate you David!"
David was suddenly overcome with emotion; tears welled up in his eyes. "I love you Tony, please put the gun down, please."
Pearl tried to persuade her brother to drop the gun but to no avail. She burst into tears, helpless and ridden with fright. Her parents who overheard the commotion from another room, rushed in and were horrified at the scene playing-out before them. Tina Albert begged Tony to put the gun down, not to shoot his brother but he was like an angry Lion.
He aimed the weapon at the direction of his parents. "This is all your fault mother, your fault! He was always your favorite. You've always loved him more than me." His mother began to sob, still pleading he put down the gun.
"I'm sorry I have to do this mom, I love you!" Tony said through sobs again aiming at David.
Bang!
One shot to the head...and He fell to the floor. His mother fainted, his father stood still, frozen to the ground.
************************
David and Pearl had barely talked to anyone in the days following Tony's suicide. They remained in shock, laced with disbelief. Tina Albert had cried every night, especially as her husband blamed her for the longstanding rivalry between their sons, and the suicide.
"I kept warning you how dangerous it was to favor one child over another. I warned but you never listened.You pampered David and neglected Tony. This is all your fault. I don't know how you'll be able live with yourself Tina, I really don't know," her husband had said one night. Their relationship has been severely strained since the horrific incident.
Tony's burial was ten days after his demise. The atmosphere in the hall was a cloud of sadness. The Alberts sat hand-in-hand throughout the entire service, a family seemingly united in grief...at least for today. Sympathizers couldn't hold back tears.
The preacher's message was about "unconditional love," emphasizing on God's unconditional love for mankind, and how we ought to love each other unconditionally with the same love He bestows on us.
.
Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016
Happy reading!
FAVORITE (A short story)
The sound of police sirens blazing in the air aroused the curiosity of the residents of Pebbles Lane, in the serene, upscale, gated Greenview Estate. A number of them rushed out of their houses to find out what was happening in their neighborhood. They noticed four police vehicles zooming down the lane and decided to follow after.
The cars came to a halt at house No. 5, a mansion that was a sight to behold...one of the most amazing architectural structures in this community. Modern but with some Victorian touches to it.
The edifice was home to The Alberts, a celebrity family; socialites in all ramifications.
Mr. and Mrs. Albert run a successful business conglomerate. They have three children...sons David and Tony...and a daughter named Pearl, the baby of the family. All three attended the most prestigious University in the country. They lived the typical lifestyle of the rich and famous; drove flashy cars, went on expensive family vacations, wore pricey designer clothes and were usually the most talked about people in the gossip blogs and society magazines. The Alberts had a lot of friends, even more admirers and very few known enemies.
Pebbles Lawn residents were perplexed, wondering what on earth could have brought these men in uniform to the almighty Albert fortress. Some were speaking amongst themselves in hushed tones.
An ambulance drove up to the front yard and a short while thereafter, a body was wheeled out of the building and into the ambulance. It was hard for anyone to tell if the person on the stretcher was alive or not. Mr and Mrs. Albert drove behind the ambulance as it sped down Pebbles Lane.
About 10 minutes later, the police asked those who stood watching the drama unfold to leave the area.
The next day, details of what had occurred at No. 5 Pebbles Lane began to filter in. It was like a scene from a horror flick. For those who were close friends of the Alberts, it was like a really awful nightmare.
*************************
It was a holiday weekend and the Albert kids had decided to spend it at home with their parents. On that fateful day, they were to host a small dinner-party with a few close friends and neighbors.
An argument had ensued between David and Tony in the late hours of the morning. David accused his brother of repeatedly demanding excessive amounts of money from their mother for no valid reason. He swore to make this known to the entire family. He was tired of his brother's thieving and lying ways. Tony lost his cool at that instant and began yelling how he hated the fact that he was the least loved son in his mother's eyes, inspite of his being the most intelligent and grounded. Everything he did was just never enough to please her. He craved the same attention she lavished on his siblings but never received it. He couldn't take it anymore.
Pearl walked into the room where her brothers were arguing and begged them to quit. To her, this wasn't like one of the fights the guys usually had.
Suddenly,Tony metamorphosed into some kind of lunatic...throwing whatever he could on the ground, yelling hateful words at his brother. He stormed out of the room, and returned about two minutes later toting a handgun. His two siblings gasped in fear. Pointing the pistol directly at his brother, Tony barked "I hate you, you are not my brother, I hate you David!"
David was suddenly overcome with emotion; tears welled up in his eyes. "I love you Tony, please put the gun down, please."
Pearl tried to persuade her brother to drop the gun but to no avail. She burst into tears, helpless and ridden with fright. Her parents who overheard the commotion from another room, rushed in and were horrified at the scene playing-out before them. Tina Albert begged Tony to put the gun down, not to shoot his brother but he was like an angry Lion.
He aimed the weapon at the direction of his parents. "This is all your fault mother, your fault! He was always your favorite. You've always loved him more than me." His mother began to sob, still pleading he put down the gun.
"I'm sorry I have to do this mom, I love you!" Tony said through sobs again aiming at David.
Bang!
One shot to the head...and He fell to the floor. His mother fainted, his father stood still, frozen to the ground.
************************
David and Pearl had barely talked to anyone in the days following Tony's suicide. They remained in shock, laced with disbelief. Tina Albert had cried every night, especially as her husband blamed her for the longstanding rivalry between their sons, and the suicide.
"I kept warning you how dangerous it was to favor one child over another. I warned but you never listened.You pampered David and neglected Tony. This is all your fault. I don't know how you'll be able live with yourself Tina, I really don't know," her husband had said one night. Their relationship has been severely strained since the horrific incident.
Tony's burial was ten days after his demise. The atmosphere in the hall was a cloud of sadness. The Alberts sat hand-in-hand throughout the entire service, a family seemingly united in grief...at least for today. Sympathizers couldn't hold back tears.
The preacher's message was about "unconditional love," emphasizing on God's unconditional love for mankind, and how we ought to love each other unconditionally with the same love He bestows on us.
.
Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016
Friday, 4 December 2015
ITS ACCORDING TO PLAN
Yayyy!! Its the last month of the year. I'm particularly excited about December 2015.
Here's why.
In the days leading up to the beginning of this month, I'd been stock taking...appraising my year 2015 and I recalled how pumped I was about it especially as it was declared in my local church assembly on January 1st to be our "Year of Boldness." I recalled how I had penned down all the plans and goals I wanted to come to fruition for me this year.
I was determined...2015 won't end like 2014! I will be bold, take bold decisions and carry out even bolder actions towards fulfilling them.
I then recalled how downcast I got when halfway through the year...the biggest thing I desired hadn't materialized...and it seemed unlikely to. My dreams were not bursting forth...my plans were seemingly just that...ideas on paper, never to make it to reality. I got to a point and I gave up on what I desired and "whatever is meant to be will be" became my mantra. I stopped working on those plans...I let them be and focused my mind on other things.
At the end of my self-appraisal...looking at what is roundabout me now, I indeed became filled with sheer gratitude to God because while I was planning, I lost sight of the fact that He has a better surer plan. The Scripture from Proverbs 19:21 has been tugging at my heart and is my message for us as we near 2015's finish line.
While you plan and pursue...remember that God's purpose will always prevail. So when things aren't working out according to your plan, they are working out according to His.
Determine to be attentive to those inner promptings in your spirit...for that's the Spirit of God speaking to you. When He says "let go," do so. If He says "turn right," please don't turn left.
Remember what God says in Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you...plans to give you hope and a future."
Trust His plan! #HappyDecember
At the end of my self-appraisal...looking at what is roundabout me now, I indeed became filled with sheer gratitude to God because while I was planning, I lost sight of the fact that He has a better surer plan. The Scripture from Proverbs 19:21 has been tugging at my heart and is my message for us as we near 2015's finish line.
While you plan and pursue...remember that God's purpose will always prevail. So when things aren't working out according to your plan, they are working out according to His.
Determine to be attentive to those inner promptings in your spirit...for that's the Spirit of God speaking to you. When He says "let go," do so. If He says "turn right," please don't turn left.
Remember what God says in Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you...plans to give you hope and a future."
Trust His plan! #HappyDecember
Thursday, 19 November 2015
CONSEQUENCES (A short story)
Another fictional piece I wrote during one of my moments of inspiration! LOL.
Happy reading.
Chika walked into the health center as she usually does every month. Today, her mood was particularly somber. Most of the staff at the facility had become friendly with her; she was one of their favorite patients. One of the nurses named Eva who always checked Chika's vital signs at each visit, sensed the blue cloud hanging over her head and inquired what the matter was. "I've never seen you like this before, I'm here to listen if you need to talk" she said.
"It's a long story...a long, and sad story," Chika sighed.
"Well, I go on lunch break in a few minutes...I really do think you need to talk to someone" Eva wouldn't budge.
Chika obliged and after getting her medication, headed to a nearby restaurant with nurse Eva. Indeed, she knew that talking to someone would lighten the burden and heaviness in her heart.
She began to recant her story.
"It all started a little over two years ago. I had just written the JAMB examination and was eagerly awaiting my results. I was certain all the nights I spent burning the midnight oil wouldn't be in vain. I planned to study Accounting in the University and my dream job was to work with one of the leading international accounting firms. I had my life all figured out. The thought of living this dream was exhilarating and that pushed me to take my academics seriously right from high school. The results came out and to my utter dismay, I was 20 marks shy of the set cut-off point . I was devastated. I couldn't understand how this could have happened. I cried for days. My parents did their best to console me as most loving parents would. My father's advice was that I sit out another year at home then retake the JAMB exam. Afterall, I was just 17 years old, age was still working in my favour, he had said. "You could use the year to do so many meaningful things. Learn a skill or craft, discover new passions. There are so many possibilities," my mother opined. I didn't want to hear any of that. "I will go to the University this year at all costs," I echoed to myself over and over. There was no way I'd be stuck at home for another year while my peers were at school...no way!
A few days after this, I went to one of the schools I had hoped to gain admission into. I decided I would beg, cry, or even make up whatever story I could in order to garner sympathy from them. I went to the Admissions office and the first person I spoke with was a seemingly friendly, sympathetic man who revealed he was the secretary to the head of the unit and could help me. His name was Bayo Cole. My heart leaped. I cooked up a story about being severely ill on exam day, which affected my performance. I told him I could get a medical report from the doctor to backup my story. Mr. Cole instructed me to bring the report in two days and he'd take me to see the person in charge of admissions.
On the said day, I got to Mr. Cole's office with the report which I fraudulently got from a lab-technician around my neighborhood. Cole invited me into another office where I was asked to wait until I was cleared to see the boss. He left and returned about 30 minutes later, but this time there was something different about his disposition. He was harsh, and brazen. He ordered me to get up...I obeyed, but started to feel frightened. My throat became lumpy as he started towards me. I sensed something bad was about to happen. I tried to make for the door, but he (unknown to me) had locked it. Before I could scream, he placed a gag over my mouth, tied my hands together behind my back and threw me on the floor. I was petrified. I kicked and kicked but he overpowered me. Tears begun to fill the corners of my eyes as he came down on me. Bayo Cole raped me! I was screaming but the gag drowned out my voice. As I lay helpless, I remembered the advice my parents gave me and how adamant and stubborn I was. Tears were flowing down my face like a waterfall. When he was done, he untied and ungagged me and said "fix yourself up!" When I was done rearranging my clothes, he grabbed my throat and threatened "if what happened here today goes public, you're dead...do you hear me...dead! Remember, I've got your house address." He opened the door and I walked out of that office...and ran as fast as I could away from that campus, straight home.
I didn't tell my parents or anyone about what happened. Instead, I found ways to deal with the trauma on my own. I'd always been a resilient soul, so I figured "i'll get over this in no time." I informed my father I would take his advice and rewrite the exam the following year.
Life seemed to take on a semblance of normalcy as the weeks passed by.
However, things took a turn for the worse a few months later. I started to fall sick and was in and out of hospital. Various medical tests were carried out, but no diagnosis could be made. We tried another hospital and the chief medical officer there suggested to my parents that an HIV test be done. I was unaware of what the doctor recommended. My mother insisted against it, as far as she was concerned, her daughter was a Virgin. There was no way on earth she'd have HIV. But my father consented and the test was carried out.
I still remember how long and hard I cried the day my parents sat me down to inform me that I was HIV positive and did infact have AIDS. My mother was crushed...all she could do was ask me repeatedly..."why?" My father was livid. Our family was thrown into confusion and sadness. That was the worst day of my life...yes! it was worse than the day I was raped."
At this point, nurse Eva was in tears...she had never known how Chika had contracted the virus. She had never asked. Her heart was filled with so much sympathy for the young lady.
Chika continued her story. "The doctors at that hospital ordered that I immediately begin anti-retroviral treatment and that the drugs are available at the city's WHO-funded Health Center at no cost. I was also given a diet-plan I was to adhere to strictly. Medical counselors gave my parents all the useful information on how to provide a good support system for me at home. Eventually, I told my parents how I had been raped and threatened not to speak up about it. My father took the matter to the relevant authorities, but we found out that Bayo Cole had succumbed to HIV/AIDS...he died a month before I was diagnosed.
Today marks exactly two years since I found out I had HIV. On my way to the centre this morning, I couldn't help but recollect my life over the past two years. I remembered the dreams I had for myself and how one foolish decision I made to go to that campus sparked a chain of events that led me to where I am now. Never did I imagine i'd be a person living with HIV. I can't help but wish I had heeded my parents advice from the beginning. If only I had listened to them, if only I hadn't been so stubborn. If only, if only...."
Chika broke down and cried uncontrollably and Eva moved over to her side to console her.
Koko Wanjiru Ekpo
Copyright 2015
Happy reading.
Chika walked into the health center as she usually does every month. Today, her mood was particularly somber. Most of the staff at the facility had become friendly with her; she was one of their favorite patients. One of the nurses named Eva who always checked Chika's vital signs at each visit, sensed the blue cloud hanging over her head and inquired what the matter was. "I've never seen you like this before, I'm here to listen if you need to talk" she said.
"It's a long story...a long, and sad story," Chika sighed.
"Well, I go on lunch break in a few minutes...I really do think you need to talk to someone" Eva wouldn't budge.
Chika obliged and after getting her medication, headed to a nearby restaurant with nurse Eva. Indeed, she knew that talking to someone would lighten the burden and heaviness in her heart.
She began to recant her story.
"It all started a little over two years ago. I had just written the JAMB examination and was eagerly awaiting my results. I was certain all the nights I spent burning the midnight oil wouldn't be in vain. I planned to study Accounting in the University and my dream job was to work with one of the leading international accounting firms. I had my life all figured out. The thought of living this dream was exhilarating and that pushed me to take my academics seriously right from high school. The results came out and to my utter dismay, I was 20 marks shy of the set cut-off point . I was devastated. I couldn't understand how this could have happened. I cried for days. My parents did their best to console me as most loving parents would. My father's advice was that I sit out another year at home then retake the JAMB exam. Afterall, I was just 17 years old, age was still working in my favour, he had said. "You could use the year to do so many meaningful things. Learn a skill or craft, discover new passions. There are so many possibilities," my mother opined. I didn't want to hear any of that. "I will go to the University this year at all costs," I echoed to myself over and over. There was no way I'd be stuck at home for another year while my peers were at school...no way!
A few days after this, I went to one of the schools I had hoped to gain admission into. I decided I would beg, cry, or even make up whatever story I could in order to garner sympathy from them. I went to the Admissions office and the first person I spoke with was a seemingly friendly, sympathetic man who revealed he was the secretary to the head of the unit and could help me. His name was Bayo Cole. My heart leaped. I cooked up a story about being severely ill on exam day, which affected my performance. I told him I could get a medical report from the doctor to backup my story. Mr. Cole instructed me to bring the report in two days and he'd take me to see the person in charge of admissions.
On the said day, I got to Mr. Cole's office with the report which I fraudulently got from a lab-technician around my neighborhood. Cole invited me into another office where I was asked to wait until I was cleared to see the boss. He left and returned about 30 minutes later, but this time there was something different about his disposition. He was harsh, and brazen. He ordered me to get up...I obeyed, but started to feel frightened. My throat became lumpy as he started towards me. I sensed something bad was about to happen. I tried to make for the door, but he (unknown to me) had locked it. Before I could scream, he placed a gag over my mouth, tied my hands together behind my back and threw me on the floor. I was petrified. I kicked and kicked but he overpowered me. Tears begun to fill the corners of my eyes as he came down on me. Bayo Cole raped me! I was screaming but the gag drowned out my voice. As I lay helpless, I remembered the advice my parents gave me and how adamant and stubborn I was. Tears were flowing down my face like a waterfall. When he was done, he untied and ungagged me and said "fix yourself up!" When I was done rearranging my clothes, he grabbed my throat and threatened "if what happened here today goes public, you're dead...do you hear me...dead! Remember, I've got your house address." He opened the door and I walked out of that office...and ran as fast as I could away from that campus, straight home.
I didn't tell my parents or anyone about what happened. Instead, I found ways to deal with the trauma on my own. I'd always been a resilient soul, so I figured "i'll get over this in no time." I informed my father I would take his advice and rewrite the exam the following year.
Life seemed to take on a semblance of normalcy as the weeks passed by.
However, things took a turn for the worse a few months later. I started to fall sick and was in and out of hospital. Various medical tests were carried out, but no diagnosis could be made. We tried another hospital and the chief medical officer there suggested to my parents that an HIV test be done. I was unaware of what the doctor recommended. My mother insisted against it, as far as she was concerned, her daughter was a Virgin. There was no way on earth she'd have HIV. But my father consented and the test was carried out.
I still remember how long and hard I cried the day my parents sat me down to inform me that I was HIV positive and did infact have AIDS. My mother was crushed...all she could do was ask me repeatedly..."why?" My father was livid. Our family was thrown into confusion and sadness. That was the worst day of my life...yes! it was worse than the day I was raped."
At this point, nurse Eva was in tears...she had never known how Chika had contracted the virus. She had never asked. Her heart was filled with so much sympathy for the young lady.
Chika continued her story. "The doctors at that hospital ordered that I immediately begin anti-retroviral treatment and that the drugs are available at the city's WHO-funded Health Center at no cost. I was also given a diet-plan I was to adhere to strictly. Medical counselors gave my parents all the useful information on how to provide a good support system for me at home. Eventually, I told my parents how I had been raped and threatened not to speak up about it. My father took the matter to the relevant authorities, but we found out that Bayo Cole had succumbed to HIV/AIDS...he died a month before I was diagnosed.
Today marks exactly two years since I found out I had HIV. On my way to the centre this morning, I couldn't help but recollect my life over the past two years. I remembered the dreams I had for myself and how one foolish decision I made to go to that campus sparked a chain of events that led me to where I am now. Never did I imagine i'd be a person living with HIV. I can't help but wish I had heeded my parents advice from the beginning. If only I had listened to them, if only I hadn't been so stubborn. If only, if only...."
Chika broke down and cried uncontrollably and Eva moved over to her side to console her.
Koko Wanjiru Ekpo
Copyright 2015
Monday, 26 October 2015
Friendzone
Friendzone is a fictional story I wrote sometime last month. I've been getting inspired to add more parts to it. Lets see how that goes.
Have a great read!
Hunk and Pretty Girl's meeting was accidental, he bumped into her at the doorway of the office tea room as she was heading out, sending her cup of freshly made coffee crashing to the ground. It was her second day at the job, while Hunk had been there a couple of years. After several "I am sorrys," the two exchanged pleasantries and Hunk promised to make up for the mess he made by taking Pretty girl out during lunch break. This was after he made her another cup of java. That lunch date marked the beginning of something remarkable for the pair.
Three months later, Hunk and Pretty girl are inseparable, best friends, two peas in a pod, "like 5&6" as we love to call it on this side. They talk about anything and everything. He makes coffee for her every morning once she gets to the office, and they've made having lunch together a daily ritual. Every Saturday night, Pretty Girl goes to one of the town's most popular digs, The Lounge, to watch Hunk strum away at his guitar; Saturday is “music and poetry night” at the lounge. Gossip is already spreading like wildfire at the office that the two are not only an item, but soon-to-be Mr & Mrs Hunk. Their colleagues are hopeful for nuptials between the two.
Everything seems rosy and dandy till about a year after that accidental meeting when Pretty Girl is informed by Management that she's been transferred to the company's office in another city. She's bummed about it..."how will I do life without my best friend just around the corner?" her heart dampens as she tries to envision it. Two of them meet later that day for their usual “lunch-devouz” and Pretty Girl breaks the news to him. The date ended on an extreme low...as she lets it out that she'll be relocating in two weeks.
Three months later, Pretty Girl and Hunk are adjusting to life apart. They still talk every day, at least 4-5 times, and Hunk never fails to fill his Pretty Girl in on his Saturday night guitar gigs while she sighs about how she hasn't had much of a social life since moving.
Pretty Girl decides about 6 months after changing base that she'll spring a surprise visit on Hunk during her upcoming vacation. She plans everything to a T, and even gets a few of Hunk's favorite things to present as a gift. She arrives her old town a fortnight later, on a Friday and plans to surprise Hunk the next day. She's quite familiar with his daily routine, so knows what time he'll be at his apartment.
She knocks on his door late Saturday morning...Hunk opens and is totally stunned to see his Pretty Girl standing there, wide-eyed, all smiles with a tint of blush. They share deep, warm hug for about a minute. "I've missed you," "When did you get in?" "What a wonderful surprise!" "I’m elated to see you, Pretty Girl" he says and hugs her again. She enters his apartment, and marvels that the place hasn't changed much over the past months. They walk towards the living room and Pretty Girl stops suddenly in her tracks when she spots a woman sitting on one of the chairs. The lady gets up, turns towards Pretty Girl and Hunk, smiles warmly and says "it's so nice to finally meet you."
Hunk then says to Pretty Girl "please meet Doll Face" His best friend half-smiles and Doll Face gives her a side hug. Pretty Girl has dozens of questions for her bff, but she refrains from saying anything.
"I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do, yeah? so I think I’ll leave now," Doll Face, continues to Hunk "call me later, okay?" and leaves the apartment.
Hunk says to Pretty Girl "aren't you gonna sit down, lemme make us some good ol' coffee, yeah?" and heads off to the kitchen.
As they talk over coffee, Hunk reminisces on how they first met...over spilled coffee. Pretty Girl tries to enjoy the moment with her best friend but her heart is still a mix-bag of emotions. She decides to speak up, "So tell me about Doll Face...who is she?"
Days later, Pretty Girl's heart still hurts when she remembers how the surprise she had so carefully crafted for her best friend turned sour and wished she had never gone to see him. She recalls the moment Hunk had told her that the lovely Doll Face was his girlfriend, how they had met a few months ago at The Lounge and had started dating a few weeks after. "She's an amazing woman, funny, artistic and intelligent. She reminds me of you a lot. I'm happy, she makes me really happy." She recalls how his eyes lit up as he gushed over his Doll Face. She remembers how taken aback Hunk was that she was less enthusiastic about his relationship...how she tried to shield her apparent hurt and jealousy by saying that Hunk shouldn't get carried away over someone he met a few months ago and hardly knows. An argument ensued thereafter and she left his apartment back to the hotel she was staying forgetting to give him the gifts she'd bought.
They settled the fight the next day over lunch after church, and Pretty Girl told Hunk how she wished him nothing but happiness. He reminded her how much he cares about her and will always be her best friend through all. Pretty Girl spent the remaining two days socializing with her colleagues at her former office before leaving town. She ofcourse gave Hunk the gifts she'd got him as they said their "goodbyes" when he dropped her off at the airport.
She hasn't been herself since she returned. She has cried her heart out almost every night. She can't understand why Hunk sought happiness in the arms of someone else when she's been keeping herself for him all along. He always told her he loved her and how she brought sanity to his life. She had always felt she was the only woman in his life and the one he wanted to be with forever. The thought of him being with someone else brought a hollow feeling inside. She started to feel something for Hunk that seemed like hate. "How could you?" she thought as she lay in bed one night "how dare you play with my heart like that?" "I’m done with you Hunk, so done." "I never want to hear from you again!" "You go be with your Doll Face and be happy...I'll be fine by myself, I don't need you. I hate you! I hate you!!!" Tears started to flow, she sobbed and sobbed until she had no more tears left.
Days and weeks passed and Pretty Girl didn't answer or return any of Hunk's phone calls. She didn't reply his messages either. As far as she was concerned, she hated Hunk and wanted nothing more to do with him.
She's lying in bed at home one evening when her doorbell rings, and to her amazement, there's Hunk standing at her doorstep. Deep down inside, Pretty girl was beyond happy to see him, but on the outside, she was cold and unaffectionate. She starred at him, blank-faced.
"I've been so worried about you over the past few weeks when I couldn't reach you. I expressed my concern to Doll Face and she suggested I come over to know what's going on...so here I am!" He hugged her and said, "I'm so glad to see you alive and well...I thought something had happened to you, I was scared to death."
Pretty Girl's heart broke at that instance. She hugged him back tightly and said "Yeah I'm fine...I'm doing fine." That was when it hit her that she didn't need to be Hunk's girlfriend in order to have a place in his life. They had real friendship...one that shouldn't be taken for granted. She understands that they needn’t throw that away because they weren't romantically involved or planning to get married. They can learn from each other and help each other grow in life.
She expressed all this to him as they talked over coffee (like they always did) a short while later. "Maybe I can even be your daughter's God mother, you know?" she joked. They both laughed.
Have a great read!
Hunk and Pretty Girl's meeting was accidental, he bumped into her at the doorway of the office tea room as she was heading out, sending her cup of freshly made coffee crashing to the ground. It was her second day at the job, while Hunk had been there a couple of years. After several "I am sorrys," the two exchanged pleasantries and Hunk promised to make up for the mess he made by taking Pretty girl out during lunch break. This was after he made her another cup of java. That lunch date marked the beginning of something remarkable for the pair.
Three months later, Hunk and Pretty girl are inseparable, best friends, two peas in a pod, "like 5&6" as we love to call it on this side. They talk about anything and everything. He makes coffee for her every morning once she gets to the office, and they've made having lunch together a daily ritual. Every Saturday night, Pretty Girl goes to one of the town's most popular digs, The Lounge, to watch Hunk strum away at his guitar; Saturday is “music and poetry night” at the lounge. Gossip is already spreading like wildfire at the office that the two are not only an item, but soon-to-be Mr & Mrs Hunk. Their colleagues are hopeful for nuptials between the two.
Everything seems rosy and dandy till about a year after that accidental meeting when Pretty Girl is informed by Management that she's been transferred to the company's office in another city. She's bummed about it..."how will I do life without my best friend just around the corner?" her heart dampens as she tries to envision it. Two of them meet later that day for their usual “lunch-devouz” and Pretty Girl breaks the news to him. The date ended on an extreme low...as she lets it out that she'll be relocating in two weeks.
Three months later, Pretty Girl and Hunk are adjusting to life apart. They still talk every day, at least 4-5 times, and Hunk never fails to fill his Pretty Girl in on his Saturday night guitar gigs while she sighs about how she hasn't had much of a social life since moving.
Pretty Girl decides about 6 months after changing base that she'll spring a surprise visit on Hunk during her upcoming vacation. She plans everything to a T, and even gets a few of Hunk's favorite things to present as a gift. She arrives her old town a fortnight later, on a Friday and plans to surprise Hunk the next day. She's quite familiar with his daily routine, so knows what time he'll be at his apartment.
She knocks on his door late Saturday morning...Hunk opens and is totally stunned to see his Pretty Girl standing there, wide-eyed, all smiles with a tint of blush. They share deep, warm hug for about a minute. "I've missed you," "When did you get in?" "What a wonderful surprise!" "I’m elated to see you, Pretty Girl" he says and hugs her again. She enters his apartment, and marvels that the place hasn't changed much over the past months. They walk towards the living room and Pretty Girl stops suddenly in her tracks when she spots a woman sitting on one of the chairs. The lady gets up, turns towards Pretty Girl and Hunk, smiles warmly and says "it's so nice to finally meet you."
Hunk then says to Pretty Girl "please meet Doll Face" His best friend half-smiles and Doll Face gives her a side hug. Pretty Girl has dozens of questions for her bff, but she refrains from saying anything.
"I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do, yeah? so I think I’ll leave now," Doll Face, continues to Hunk "call me later, okay?" and leaves the apartment.
Hunk says to Pretty Girl "aren't you gonna sit down, lemme make us some good ol' coffee, yeah?" and heads off to the kitchen.
As they talk over coffee, Hunk reminisces on how they first met...over spilled coffee. Pretty Girl tries to enjoy the moment with her best friend but her heart is still a mix-bag of emotions. She decides to speak up, "So tell me about Doll Face...who is she?"
Days later, Pretty Girl's heart still hurts when she remembers how the surprise she had so carefully crafted for her best friend turned sour and wished she had never gone to see him. She recalls the moment Hunk had told her that the lovely Doll Face was his girlfriend, how they had met a few months ago at The Lounge and had started dating a few weeks after. "She's an amazing woman, funny, artistic and intelligent. She reminds me of you a lot. I'm happy, she makes me really happy." She recalls how his eyes lit up as he gushed over his Doll Face. She remembers how taken aback Hunk was that she was less enthusiastic about his relationship...how she tried to shield her apparent hurt and jealousy by saying that Hunk shouldn't get carried away over someone he met a few months ago and hardly knows. An argument ensued thereafter and she left his apartment back to the hotel she was staying forgetting to give him the gifts she'd bought.
They settled the fight the next day over lunch after church, and Pretty Girl told Hunk how she wished him nothing but happiness. He reminded her how much he cares about her and will always be her best friend through all. Pretty Girl spent the remaining two days socializing with her colleagues at her former office before leaving town. She ofcourse gave Hunk the gifts she'd got him as they said their "goodbyes" when he dropped her off at the airport.
She hasn't been herself since she returned. She has cried her heart out almost every night. She can't understand why Hunk sought happiness in the arms of someone else when she's been keeping herself for him all along. He always told her he loved her and how she brought sanity to his life. She had always felt she was the only woman in his life and the one he wanted to be with forever. The thought of him being with someone else brought a hollow feeling inside. She started to feel something for Hunk that seemed like hate. "How could you?" she thought as she lay in bed one night "how dare you play with my heart like that?" "I’m done with you Hunk, so done." "I never want to hear from you again!" "You go be with your Doll Face and be happy...I'll be fine by myself, I don't need you. I hate you! I hate you!!!" Tears started to flow, she sobbed and sobbed until she had no more tears left.
Days and weeks passed and Pretty Girl didn't answer or return any of Hunk's phone calls. She didn't reply his messages either. As far as she was concerned, she hated Hunk and wanted nothing more to do with him.
She's lying in bed at home one evening when her doorbell rings, and to her amazement, there's Hunk standing at her doorstep. Deep down inside, Pretty girl was beyond happy to see him, but on the outside, she was cold and unaffectionate. She starred at him, blank-faced.
"I've been so worried about you over the past few weeks when I couldn't reach you. I expressed my concern to Doll Face and she suggested I come over to know what's going on...so here I am!" He hugged her and said, "I'm so glad to see you alive and well...I thought something had happened to you, I was scared to death."
Pretty Girl's heart broke at that instance. She hugged him back tightly and said "Yeah I'm fine...I'm doing fine." That was when it hit her that she didn't need to be Hunk's girlfriend in order to have a place in his life. They had real friendship...one that shouldn't be taken for granted. She understands that they needn’t throw that away because they weren't romantically involved or planning to get married. They can learn from each other and help each other grow in life.
She expressed all this to him as they talked over coffee (like they always did) a short while later. "Maybe I can even be your daughter's God mother, you know?" she joked. They both laughed.
Thursday, 22 October 2015
80/20 Love.
Susan has been perplexed lately...her husband Dave is a totally different man; he no longer complains about her lack of interest art. "It's okay if you don't want to watch me work, I understand," he told her a few days ago as he was working on a new painting. Susan is totally confused about his new attitude and sudden metamorphosis. Unknown to her, Dave has become friendly with a lady he met at an art gallery recently. Their love for art is the bridge that has connected them. It's the reason why Dave isn't bothered about his wife's disinterest in this aspect of his life.
For Pat and Dave, their new friendships are blossoming at the expense of both their marital relationships. Pat's husband Donald feels neglected while Susan cannot comprehend that she and Dave no loner argue over things like before. It's left her unsettled.
The path which both Pat and Dave are treading on is dangerous. Dangerous because the more time each spends with their "buddy," the more closer they'll bond; more so because they have something in common. It may not be long before the friendship develops into something deeper.
There are many real-life Pats and Daves in the world. People in committed relationships who leave what they have, in search of what they don't have.
Heard about The 80/20 Rule of relationships?
Well, it basically states that you only get 80 percent of what you want from a relationship and 20 percent of what you want, you don't get.
This rule is predicated on the idea that since no human being is perfect, he/she can't be 100 percent what you want them to be. Our flaws, weaknesses and idiosyncrasies will always limit how much we are able to put into a relationship. Nonetheless, the 80 we are able to give is enough for the other person and creates the breeding ground for a wholesome relationship.
Having full understanding of this rule helps us try to reason why people are unfaithful in relationships. Usually, people attach more significance to the 20 percent that isn't gotten and decide to look for it outside their relationship. Many have lost wonderful relationships in quest for the 20, only to later realize they were at their best with 80.
So here's what couples and would-be couples should take-home from this:
1. Accept that truly, no one can give you 100 percent of what you want and neither can you. What matters is that both of you give each other your best...which is good enough for your relationship to thrive.
2. Learn to appreciate your significant other. The more you appreciate one another, the more your relationship grows in value. Whatever you value, you will protect and do everything to keep.
3. If you want your partner to put in more than 80, find ways to communicate this lovingly.
Sometimes, people need to be told where they're falling short. Consciously decide to compromise and meet each other halfway. You both may not share the same interests, but you can learn to enjoy what the other likes.
It may always seem easier to find your 20 somewhere else, but the grass always looks greener on the other side...until you get to the other side! Remember that human perspective is limited.
May it never be said that you lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones.
Tuesday, 18 August 2015
When you see red flags...STOP!!
Red flags in
relationships are those pointers to negative behavioral patterns, character
traits or even bad habits that could negatively affect the survival of that
relationship.
One mistake many people make is that they see obvious red flags, things about their significant other that they just can't live with...fiery tempers, domineering tendencies, pride, irresponsibility, toxic addictions to name a few…and they think: "when we marry, he/she will change," or "we will manage each other somehow!" For instance, the world is rife with stories of women who married men with blazing hot uncontrollable tempers, hoping that they would "simmer down" after marriage. Such women sadly ended up in abusive marriages...many with tragic repercussions.
Ignoring red-flags while dating, with the hope that things would change once you walk down the aisle is an erroneous way of thinking, not faith. A marriage is not some kind of magic show where you can correct your spouse’s flaws with a wave of a wand and an "abracadabra!" Yes! people can change for the better, but a person will only do so when he/she accepts that there’s a problem which needs to be worked on, then makes a conscious decision to turn a new leaf. All the love you have to give a man or woman just won’t be enough to make them change for the better, if they see themselves as perfect.
Even regarding our spiritual lives, we must decide that we need salvation and invite Jesus into our hearts. He stands at the door knocking...and it’s up to us to either let Him in or not. That's because we each have the free-will to make our own choices.
One truth about marriage is that it cements everything in a relationship...the good, the bad and the ugly! And if the bad and ugly outweighs the good...it spells trouble. If the bad and ugly is too significant to be set aside, you should re-consider marriage no matter how painful it may be to end the relationship. The pain of ending a friendship or courtship cannot be compared to the pain of a broken marriage.
A marriage is meant to be enjoyed (even in the midst of
tough times) and not endured. Your desire should not be to manage a marriage
but to thrive in it. Being in the wrong marriage will have a negative
effect on every other aspect of your life.
When clear signs of impending danger pop up in your
relationship...hit the brakes! Spend time and truthfully appraise each
other. Anything you both cannot handle when you are dating or courting,
will be even tougher to handle when you are married.
Staying in a relationship where
there are very clear red-flags (and in some cases, red billboards) could very
well lead to regret later on in marriage. Regret is a very painful road to walk
down. No one should jump into a fiery situation hoping not to
get burned. It's just not wise.
When you see red flags...STOP!!!
When you see red flags...STOP!!!
Tuesday, 14 July 2015
Relationship guidelines worth remembering.
If there's one issue that everyone will be faced with at one point in time, it is that of relationships. Because every person has an innate desire to belong, to relate with the opposite sex and to experience love, relationships are part of the human experience. If you look to the creation story in Genesis 2, you'd see that Adam was lonely in the garden, even though he was technically not alone (as there were other animals on earth). Adam didn't have someone of his kind (human) and type (compatible) to relate with. We can therefore see that the need for relationship with the opposite sex was in man from the beginning. Of course, most adults who enter into relationships desire for such to end in marriage, which according to the scriptures, is still in line with God's purpose. When God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone, He created Eve and she became his wife “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” Genesis 2:18 [NKJV]. Eve was therefore meant to be a life-time companion to Adam. This is actually God’s idea of marriage…it’s about companionship.
She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man,” Genesis 2:23 [NKJV]. A husband and wife are like two sides of the same coin.
Based on this premise, singles need to understand that not every relationship is meant to end in marriage. It would be safe to say that some relationships are just meant for the moment, or to put it more aptly, for a season. There are people God brings into your life for a specific purpose, and when this purpose has been fulfilled, He removes them. In such cases, it would be unwise to try and keep the relationship going. As a Christian, you must always believe that God knows what is best for you. So if He removes someone from your life, don’t try to keep him/her. People need to know that friendship must be the foundation of every relationship that is headed down the marriage path. If you’re in a relationship that is devoid of genuine friendship, I wouldn’t think it wise to consider getting married.
Just because you like a person, doesn't mean you need a relationship with him/her. There are people that will not add any value to your life, but rather subtract from it.
Furthermore, avoid being involved with someone who makes you compromise your faith, values and ideals. Even the Bible tells us that “evil company corrupts good habits” 1 Corinthians 15:33. We must also remember that the Bible warns believers not to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers.” This is very applicable in deciding about relationships also.
The worst mistake we can make is to constantly get mixed up with people who make us conform to their own image or ideas of who we should be. Never lose yourself and/or your identity because you want a man/woman to love you. Learn to guard your heart from unnecessary heartbreak and hurt.
If you desire marriage, then believe that just like God tailor-made Eve for Adam, so has He created a spouse for you. There is someone that is your perfect match, one who compliments you in every sense of the word...someone with whom you CAN build a lifelong love-filled relationship. By faith, you can ask God to bring this person into your life. And when you find the one God made for you, you'll be accepted for who you are...even your weaknesses won't be an issue.
Wednesday, 24 June 2015
ROMANCE?...RESPECT!!
Oftentimes, when asked what the keys for having a healthy relationship are, people identify communication, trust, attention, appreciation etc. as being important. Hardly ever does “respect” get a mention.
However
grossly disregarded, I believe it is one of the most essential elements needed
to build a successful/long-lasting relationship. Could that be what inspired Aretha Franklin to sing “R E S P E C T…find out what it means to me?...R E S P E C T...take care TCB.”
That's just by the way.
According to
Wikipedia, respect is defined as: “a
feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their
abilities, qualities, or achievements.” Elsewhere, Merriam Webster's Dictionary
defines respect as: "an act of giving particular attention to" or
"a high or special regard" [for someone/something].
Based on the
above definitions, I define respect in the context of relationships as: “giving
particular attention or showing appreciation for the person you are in a
relationship with. It also involves
showing regard for the things that concern him/her.”
From the
forgoing, I have identified four key areas where respect comes into play in
relationships.
Men and women need to respect those psychological and behavioral traits that define their respective genders. They both are intrinsically different as God so fashioned/created them. Based on this, they will never respond in the same manner to the same situation. This is an unchangeable fact. For instance, men generally are logical beings, while women are emotional; hence men are often described as “thinkers” while women are “feelers.” Both parties in a relationship need to respect and accept these gender differences. A woman shouldn't expect a man to behave the way she does or vice-versa. Showing respect in this capacity demonstrates that both of you value each other's gender.
Respect
individual differences.
In a
relationship, the two must learn to respect the fact that individual
differences in personality and character will always exist. This holds true
because both were nurtured differently. Undoubtedly for a relationship to work,
two people must have a lot of things in common but there will always be areas
where dissimilarities are present. Learn to view your differences as
uniqueness, not a weakness.
Respect
ascribed valuable things/spaces.
For married
couples, the importance of this cannot be understated. As much as you may have
the right to each other's things...you should learn to respect whatever
spaces/items that are of value to the other person. Whether it is your spouse's
shoe closet or book collection, for instance. Nobody likes their stuff being
messed up wantonly. Tolerance shouldn't be an excuse to disrespect each other’s
valuables.
Respect the
need for alone time.
Quality time
together is essential in relationships...but we must remember that there will
be moments when we may want to be alone for one reason or another. If your
significant other has asked for this, then respect his/her wish. This is where
being considerate of the other's desires comes into play. Don't think that
because someone loves you, he/she must spend every passing moment with you.
Remember that respect is earned, not given.
I leave you
with a quote from a book I once read: "the true meaning of romance is
respect."
Thursday, 23 April 2015
Judge not, love more!
It seems those of us in the body of Christ have become more judgmental than ever before. Virtually every day I
log into my Facebook, I’m left appalled and altogether saddened at a lot of the
posts and comments from those who profess Christ. I recently decided to
unfollow a certain Christian news Facebook page due to their condemnatory posts.
I just couldn’t fathom how a Christian site could spew such hateful and
judgmental words. More than 80 percent of the comment threads on such posts were
even more spiteful and negative. I often wondered how a non-Christian would react if he/she stumbled on that site. I still wonder about that.
It’s amazing
that though most Christians are familiar with the fact that the Bible cautions
us not to judge, we continue doing the finger-pointing and name-calling all under
the guise of speaking the truth and trying to help people out of sin.
Here’s what
Jesus taught on the subject matter.
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what
judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will
be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s
eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to
your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is
in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then
you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Matthew 7:1-5.
Jesus’ message is clear: when we decide to judge others, we open
ourselves up to be judged as well. And by so doing, our own faults, sins and
inadequacies will be exposed. When you
point a finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you. Jesus
said, “how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your
eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?”
Before you call someone a fornicator, be certain that you are a virgin or are
not engaging in any form of sexual immorality. Before you label someone a thief
or a liar, let it be that you have never taken anything that doesn’t belong to
you…or have never spoken words that are not true. Your judgment over other
people will only be justified if you have never done (or are not doing) any of
the things you speak about them… “For with what judgment you judge, you will be
judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” Don’t go
cleaning out other people’s closets, forgetting that you too have a
skeleton-laden, cobweb infested closet of your own. Because yes! We all have sinned and fallen
short of the glory of God…no one is perfect. Every day, we need God’s
forgiveness and a dose of grace to keep us from stumbling or to get back up
when we fall.
While there’s an onus on believers to always stand for and speak the
truth, we are not called to judge…we are called to love. The two greatest
commandments which Jesus…the author of our Christian faith gave us, are to love
God wholeheartedly and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). Each time we judge
someone, we miss an opportunity to lift them up. When we go around telling
people how bad or sinful they are, we create a barrier that blocks us from
expressing the love of God to them.
Jesus didn’t just teach love…He lived a life of love. He set the example for us to emulate. Ironically, the only people He out
rightly condemned were the Pharisees (the teachers and keepers of the law)…and for the very same hypocritical attitude
which He warns us against.
It is God's job to judge, the Holy Spirit's job to convict and our job to love.
And when you don't know how to show them love...pray for them!
And when you don't know how to show them love...pray for them!
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