I WASTED MY TIME IN THE UNIVERSITY!

When I graduated from the University with a degree in Biological Sciences, my plan was to proceed to medical school to become a doctor. I remember specifically telling my parents that I would specialize in cardiology. I seemed to have a thing for the human heart...lol. I wrote the prerequisite MCAT examination as is required in the U.S.A and even applied to a ...couple of Medical schools.

But then one day, my heart asked my head: "Is this really your life's dream?" As I couldn't answer a definitive "Yes" to that question, I lay that plan aside accepting that this wasn't my life's path. My wanting to study medicine was linked to the fact that I was good in sciences in high school so I just assumed medicine was an appropriate career choice. It's funny how in life we often think we know what is best for us, but usually what we think is best isn't what we need.

I have no doubt I would have been a good doctor...I had the intellectual capability, and the sight of blood and needles didn't freak me out. Phew! However, I know for a fact that I wouldn't have been a fulfilled person. You see, fulfillment has nothing to do with what degree you hold or the job you have. Most of the people whose names have gone down in history for their ingenuity and accomplishments in different walks life never sat within the four walls of any University, some don't have a degree to their name. Probably because they didn't find a course of study that ignited passion in them.

That's where PURPOSE comes in. Fulfillment, true lasting fulfillment, comes from discovering and working your life's purpose. You see, everyone on earth was born for a specific reason, in fact the psalmist captured this so aptly in Psalm 139:16. Our days were fashioned, written out, before we came into existence. We were created on purpose for a purpose and until we discover what that purpose is, we'll just keep chasing shadows.

I strongly believe that a University degree or certificate is of no use if it doesn't help you fulfill your purpose. I hold a Bachelor's degree in Biological Sciences, but I believe my University years were a waste because I didn't study what I was really passionate about. I'm not even using the knowledge of the human body I gained, in fulfilling my own purpose. I love coaching and counseling people, mentoring them as they journey through life, and helping them work their relationships. A couple of years ago, I realized that I should have studied Psychology, not Biology. I took quite a few psychology courses in school and boy did they fascinate me! Sure its not too late for me to get a second degree or so, but imagine how much I would have already achieved if I had done so when I enrolled in University. Also, I can't get back those years nor the money that was spent on my education, right? LOL.

Why am I making all this noise?

Well, I wouldn't want any of you to walk the same path I did. I wouldn't want you to spend four, five or more years in school doing something that will not be beneficial to you in your life's journey. I wouldn't want you to waste precious years...time is money.

I want you to discover your passion so you know how and where to channel your education goals. Your goal shouldn't be just to have a degree because everyone else does. Your goal should be to develop what natural ability is in you.

The Nigerian society has been lagging behind because we place value on people based on their educational background. We fail to understand that some people are born to be farmers, artists, singers, models, fashion designers, bakers, beauticians, barbers, hair dressers, photographers, interior designers, event planners, speakers etc and to be excellent at what they're doing. Not everyone must be an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant etc. Some are even born to create a path that never existed, to carve a niche for themselves...enter Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg.

I wouldn't want you to fit yourself into a box.
I want you to live a fulfilled, purposeful life.
I want you to spend it doing what you love, what you were born to do.

You only live once, you only have one chance on this earth before you exit. Make it count.

Break the mold. And believe that God will bless what He has put in you.

But start by asking yourself: "What do I love doing?"
© Koko Wanjiru Davids 2016

5 Ways To Make Your Marriage Thrive

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While you wait...Love yourself.

While browsing through your Facebook news feed, you find out that your old classmate from high school is getting married. Later in the day three of your friends call to tell you about their upcoming weddings.

By nightfall, you're feeling bitter-sweet. Happy for your friends but sad that another night meets you in bed alone. You're tired of your "single" relationship status. You dread family get-togethers because you can't run away from questions like "When are we coming to eat rice?" "When are you quitting bachelorhood?" "You mean you still don't have a man in your life?"

By morning, you start to wonder if marriage was meant for you. Relationships come your way, but they usually end before you even think of a long term commitment.

It's easy to feel frustrated when your love life isn't how you had hoped it would. Every human being has an innate desire for companionship and love...it's natural to want to share your life with someone. However, you don't have to sit around and sulk...You don't have to think yourself into depression because all your friends are getting hitched and you're  still single.

Being single can be very productive if you see it as opportunity to ready yourself for marriage.
What do I mean?

While you're single and searching:
Fall in love with yourself. Afterall, you can't love someone else if you don't  love yourself first...you can't give what you don't have. Loving yourself involves treating yourself right, appreciating who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. It's not about being self-involved or self-centered.

Develop self-worth. The value anyone has on you is a reflection of the value you place on yourself. When you value yourself, you make less room for abuse. When you know your worth, you won't settle for less.

Lastly, get to know yourself. If you don't know yourself, you won't know what you can/can't deal with in a relationship. When you know yourself, you will know what qualities you truly need in a mate.

Truth is that marriage isn't something you jump into "just because." It is serious business and you should be amply prepared for the journey beforehand.

While you wait, love yourself.

Copyright © 2016
Wanjiru Ekpo Davids

TOXIC (A Short Story)

My short story series continues. This one is titled Toxic.
Happy reading!



TOXIC

Tom lay on the dusty, raggedy mattress in his stale prison cell staring at the ceiling. He barely got any sleep the night before. How he wished that his confinement to this horrendous place was just a horrible nightmare.

But it wasn't so.

This was his new reality. He had to spend the next four years of his life behind these rusty steel bars. He lay there, not knowing whether to scream or cry or both. This wasn't the turn his life was supposed to take...not at 34 years of age, not ever! Tears welled-up in his eyes.

As he lay there soliloquizing, the prison warden's voice startled him. "Number 35, up!" Tom obeyed and stood up from the bed, drying his eyes before the warden noticed the tears. 35 was his cell number and would be his moniker for the entirety of his time here, as was the prison's tradition. "Come with me," the warden said unlocking the cell gate for Tom to step out. Another warden approached and handcuffed him. As the trio headed towards the staircase area...some prisoners peeped and yelled mumbo-jumbo at them from their cells.

Tom was taken to the visitors area.

Seated at one of the tables was a journalist with whom he had agreed to do an exclusive tell-all interview about his life. Tom's incarceration had made headline news all over the state.

The session began.

He recounted his childhood years, specifically living through his parents tumultuous marriage, the many tears his mother cried in secret; unknown to her, he always heard her sobs from his room. "It was tough to listen to my mother cry" he said holding back tears as he reminisced.

From the moment Tom began exploring the dating scene, he resolved to be everything his father wasn't. He vowed to love wholeheartedly, totally and completely the woman who would be his wife; to protect and care for her. "I swore that I'll never ever leave her side."

He met Anne in the University. Their relationship began as a very deep, close friendship, then blossomed into a beautiful almost fairytale-like romance. They both graduated on the same day and a year later, were married. He was 28, Anne was two years younger.

Three years and two kids later, Anne was terribly unhappy in her marriage. She had confided in her sister about her marital woes, how Tom had changed from a sweet, loving, doting husband to an extremely possessive, obsessive, jealous control-freak. She decided to tell her sister because Tom's jealousy had reached toxic level. He now monitored her every move, listened in on her phone calls, and would even get up at night to go through her text messages, emails and social media profiles. If he spotted any communication from any male person, he'd accuse her of cheating. Many times, he had cursed-out her boss over the phone believing him to be her lover. He never let her go anywhere (besides the office) alone, whether it was to the grocery store or running errands. His change of behaviour began after their first child was born. Anne told her sister she didn't feel safe with Tom any longer; that as much as she loved him, she wasn't sure she could remain with him. Her sister tried to talk some sense into Tom but to no avail. Even his brothers couldn't get through to him.

Anne had tried to leave Tom twice but he begged her to stay, promising to change his ways.

A few weeks after the second near break-up, some respite came Anne's way; Tom had to travel for work. Alas! She'd have a little breathing space...it was sweet relief for her. Being around her husband had become suffocating. A week after Tom left, her cousin flew into town and Anne insisted he stay over at their house rather than a hotel since he would be in town for 3weeks. She could use some company but what she didn't know was that this act would nearly cost her cousin his life. And hers too!

Two days later, Tom's trip gets cut abruptly and he heads back home, anxious to know what his wife had been up to. He didn't inform her he was returning, wanting instead to surprise her. He gets home and finds the front door open, goes in and starts calling Anne's name. He doesn't see any sign of his wife or kids downstairs and heads upstairs to their room. Anne's cousin Matt was resting in the guest bedroom. He hears a voice and quickly gets up to go see who had entered the house. The two men had never met before. Matt walks toward the direction of the staircase. Just then Tom comes out of his room and is miffed at the sight of his wife's cousin. "Who on earth are you?!!" Tom yells and Matt turns round. But before he could respond, Tom's fist was in his face. He staggers slightly but doesn't fall. "Oh wait! wait! Tom, i'm Matt, Anne's cou..." Tom lands another punch this time to his nose and it starts to bleed. He pushes Matt to the floor and starts raining blows all over him. They're now both at the edge of the stairs in a tussle. Anne enters the house at this instance and is appalled to see her husband beating the life out of her cousin. "Tom! Tom! Please let him go, please!" It all happened in about a minute. Matt manages to wrestle Tom off his body but another punch came flying, this time to his forehead sending him down the stairs. Anne watches in shock as her cousin rolls down the stairs; he lands just at her feet, unconscious. Tom heads towards his wife but she runs right out of the house, frightened to the bone. A neighbor passing by sees Tom running after his wife and instinctively goes into their house where he spots Matt on the floor. He goes in search of help.

                                                              ***

Two weeks later, Matt is in hospital recuperating from the fall. He suffered severe injuries to his head, neck and had two broken ribs. Doctors said it was a miracle he was in stable condition after falling down two flights of marble stairs.

On the day of Matt's fall, when Anne ran out of the house, she didn't get very far before her husband caught up with her, dragged her to a wooded area in the neighborhood and beat her almost lifeless. He got back home to find the police waiting for him. The neighbor who had made the distress call explained how he had seen Tom chasing after his wife. Tom was arrested. Anne was found an hour after her ordeal, alive but in critical condition.

In the proceeding weeks, Tom was charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of attempted murder. Anne had maintained that her husband deliberately pushed her cousin down the stairs with the intention of killing him.

Tom's trial lasted about six months. He was found guilty of the assault charges. For attempted murder, he was found not guilty. His stuck to his story that he and Matt were fighting and Matt tripped in the process. He was sentenced to 4 years in prison. A sentence Anne wasn't totally satisfied with but was relieved that the trial was over.

"She hasn't visited me in prison even once. She can't bring herself to look me in the eye,... my brother told me when he last visited. I wonder if she'd ever be able to do so," Tom said shaking his head sadly.

Within his first few months of incarceration, Tom had been approached by several journalists for an interview.

During the trial, he alluded that he truly did love Anne and was only being protective over her. "My father was possessive, that's not me." He had also thought Matt was Anne's lover, hence the rage and attack on him. Several people testified about his maltreatment of his wife.

                                                                          ***

Tom resolved to do this interview because being imprisoned has broken him completely; he now realizes his mistakes, and is sorry for the pain, both emotional and physical his wife went through because of him. He also regrets what he did to Matt.

He ended by telling the reporter that he is sharing his story so someone can learn from his mistake. The fact that neither Matt nor Anne died was God giving him a second chance to start life afresh. "If they had died, I'd be locked up forever."

He wants people to know that negative past experiences and/events don't have to affect your life negatively. I really did want to be so different from my father who didn't love my mother...but I took it to the extreme and ended up becoming just like him.

He also warns on the dangers of extreme jealously in relationships." The more you try to own someone, the more you push them away. When you love someone, you don't cage them but you allow them freedom to be who they are. I'm on the path to being a changed man. I hope Anne forgives me, even if she and I may never be together again. It's going to be a rough four years ahead, but knowing I have a chance to start over when I'm released is all the motivation I need to maintain my sanity in here," he said in conclusion.

By Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016

DO WE NEED A RESOLUTION?

 

 

 

Anyone remember that dope song with the dopest beat "We Need A Resolution" by Aaliyah (of blessed memory)? I really loved that song.

Well, it had been playing in my head for a whole day some time last week. Strange and random right?...

I think Not.

Its a new year and everywhere is agog with resolutions.
To quit a bad habit, make big money, buy a house, pursue that dream, marry that hot chic in Church, date that foine man at work...LOL, lose weight, drink less Coke etc. These are just some of the resolutions people make whenever a year begins.

There was a time in my life when I didn't joke with new year resolutions. Year in, year out I would decide to do or not to do something. A few years ago however, I stopped making them. I stopped because I realized that resolutions just weren't cutting it.

Instead, I started a habit of goal setting. I've been doing that for three years and it's kept me on the right path of purpose.

Here's my formula: I set one major goal for the year. Then draw up monthly plans that are all tailored towards achieving it. I write down everything I need to do to work my plans in order to achieve my goal.

That's my yearly beat and it's been working for me. It's been more effective than resolutions.

And when things don't go according to plan, I see it as divine intervention because I only know in part. You see, God's plan and purpose for me is sovereign and sure than all the plans I could ever have for myself. And I have faith in His plan. Every time I felt a setback in my journey to attaining my goal, it was simply a redirection.

So I ask: do we really need a resolution? Me thinks not! 

 We need concrete goals and plans and we need to take action!

But I still love that song though.

Have a vision-full 2016!

FAVORITE...A Short Story.

My latest fictional piece.
Happy reading!



FAVORITE  (A short story)

The sound of police sirens blazing in the air aroused the curiosity of the residents of Pebbles Lane, in the serene, upscale, gated Greenview Estate. A number of them rushed out of their houses to find out what was happening in their neighborhood. They noticed four police vehicles zooming down the lane and decided to follow after.

The cars came to a halt at house No. 5, a mansion that was a sight to behold...one of the most amazing architectural structures in this community. Modern but with some Victorian touches to it.
The edifice was home to The Alberts, a celebrity family; socialites in all ramifications.

 Mr. and Mrs. Albert run a successful business conglomerate. They have three children...sons David and Tony...and a daughter named Pearl, the baby of the family. All three attended the most prestigious University in the country. They lived the typical lifestyle of the rich and famous; drove flashy cars, went on expensive family vacations, wore pricey designer clothes and were usually the most talked about people in the gossip blogs and society magazines. The Alberts had a lot of friends, even more admirers and very few known enemies.

Pebbles Lawn residents were perplexed, wondering what on earth could have brought these men in uniform to the almighty Albert fortress. Some were speaking amongst themselves in hushed tones.
An ambulance drove up to the front yard and a short while thereafter, a body was wheeled out of the building and into the ambulance. It was hard for anyone to tell if the person on the stretcher was alive or not. Mr and Mrs. Albert drove behind the ambulance as it sped down Pebbles Lane.
About 10 minutes later, the police asked those who stood watching the drama unfold to leave the area.

The next day, details of what had occurred at No. 5 Pebbles Lane began to filter in. It was like a scene from a horror flick. For those who were close friends of the Alberts, it was like a really awful nightmare.


                                            *************************


It was a holiday weekend and the Albert kids had decided to spend it at home with their parents. On that fateful day, they were to host a small dinner-party with a few close friends and neighbors.
An argument had ensued between David and Tony in the late hours of the morning. David accused his brother of repeatedly demanding excessive amounts of money from their mother for no valid reason. He swore to make this known to the entire family. He was tired of his brother's thieving and lying ways. Tony lost his cool at that instant and began yelling how he hated the fact that he was the least loved son in his mother's eyes, inspite of his being the most intelligent and grounded. Everything he did was just never enough to please her. He craved the same attention she lavished on his siblings but never received it. He couldn't take it anymore.

Pearl walked into the room where her brothers were arguing and begged them to quit. To her, this wasn't like one of the fights the guys usually had.

Suddenly,Tony metamorphosed into some kind of lunatic...throwing whatever he could on the ground, yelling hateful words at his brother. He stormed out of the room, and returned about two minutes later toting a handgun. His two siblings gasped in fear. Pointing the pistol directly at his brother, Tony barked "I hate you, you are not my brother, I hate you David!"

David was suddenly overcome with emotion; tears welled up in his eyes. "I love you Tony, please put the gun down, please."
Pearl tried to persuade her brother to drop the gun but to no avail. She burst into tears, helpless and ridden with fright. Her parents who overheard the commotion from another room, rushed in and were horrified at the scene playing-out before them. Tina Albert begged Tony to put the gun down, not to shoot his brother but he was like an angry Lion.

He aimed the weapon at the direction of his parents. "This is all your fault mother, your fault! He was always your favorite. You've always loved him more than me." His mother began to sob, still pleading he put down the gun.

"I'm sorry I have to do this mom, I love you!" Tony said through sobs again aiming at David.

Bang!

One shot to the head...and He fell to the floor. His mother fainted, his father stood still, frozen to the ground.


                                             ************************


David and Pearl had barely talked to anyone in the days following Tony's suicide. They remained in shock, laced with disbelief. Tina Albert had cried every night, especially as her husband blamed her for the longstanding rivalry between their sons, and the suicide.
"I kept warning you how dangerous it was to favor one child over another. I warned but you never listened.You pampered David and neglected Tony. This is all your fault. I don't know how you'll be able live with yourself Tina, I really don't know," her husband had said one night. Their relationship has been severely strained since the horrific incident.

Tony's burial was ten days after his demise. The atmosphere in the hall was a cloud of sadness. The Alberts sat hand-in-hand throughout the entire service, a family seemingly united in grief...at least for today. Sympathizers couldn't hold back tears.

The preacher's message was about "unconditional love," emphasizing on God's unconditional love for mankind, and how we ought to love each other unconditionally with the same love He bestows on us.
.

Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016

ITS ACCORDING TO PLAN

Yayyy!! Its the last month of the year. I'm particularly excited about December 2015.

Here's why.

In the days leading up to the beginning of this month, I'd been stock taking...appraising my year 2015 and I recalled how pumped I was about it especially as it was declared in my local church assembly on January 1st to be our "Year of Boldness." I recalled how I had penned down all the plans and goals I wanted to come to fruition for me this year.
 
I was determined...2015 won't end like 2014! I will be bold, take bold decisions and carry out even bolder actions towards fulfilling them. 
 

I then recalled how downcast I got when halfway through the year...the biggest thing I desired hadn't materialized...and it seemed unlikely to. My dreams were not bursting forth...my plans were seemingly just that...ideas on paper, never to make it to reality. I got to a point and I gave up on what I desired and "whatever is meant to be will be" became my mantra. I stopped working on those plans...I let them be and focused my mind on other things.

At the end of my self-appraisal...looking at what is roundabout me now, I indeed became filled with sheer gratitude to God because while I was planning, I lost sight of the fact that He has a better surer plan. The Scripture from Proverbs 19:21 has been tugging at my heart and is my message for us as we near 2015's finish line.

While you plan and pursue...remember that God's purpose will always prevail. So when things aren't working out according to your plan, they are working out according to His.
Determine to be attentive to those inner promptings in your spirit...for that's the Spirit of God speaking to you. When He says "let go," do so. If He says "turn right," please don't turn left.

 Remember what God says in Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you...plans to give you hope and a future."

Trust His plan! #HappyDecember