ABUSE IS NOT LOVE

 

ABUSE...I experienced it in the past. First as a child, barely 12 years old at the hands of a relative who lived with us for a few years…a person we called “uncle.” A man in his late thirties (maybe older) as at then. I was in boarding school, but my nights at home during the holidays were dreadful…waking up so many nights to find him lying in my bed. That experience had a serious effect on me psychologically. I hardly like to talk about it in detail because it gets me very emotional.
 

Years later, I found myself in an abusive relationship…and at a young age too. I used the phrase “found myself” because the abuse didn’t start immediately. He was nice, kind and very caring at the onset. We were really good friends. But as time progressed, I started to see another side of him…he was controlling and got a kick out of belittling me. We were both in school then and yes! he was loaded with intelligence…but a dangerous kind of intelligence. I developed serious low self-esteem issues in the midst of this. I actually started to accept as true, most of the nonsense he was telling me about myself. He told me I wasn’t smart enough, I believed it. There was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse…but there were several instances of physical abuse (This is the first time I’ve talked about this openly). Like I said, I was quite young…so I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship or marriage. This was supposed to be about friendship…having someone to hang out with, study together, talk to etc. But it was far from what I’d expected. The relationship ended on a very sour note. I was left an emotionally and psychologically damaged person.
 

Yet, it wasn’t until my early adulthood years that I realized just how gravely scarred I was from my past experiences of abuse. I became afraid of confrontation…I bottled up emotions…never spoke up when anyone offended me. I learned to cry in secret and smile in public.
 

About men? Well…I didn’t believe there were any good ones out there, and I had this messed-up ideology that if a man treated me badly, it was because I deserved it. I allowed this mindset govern my future relationships.I didn't understand jack about love.
 

Another side of the coin was that I tried to create a persona that was so far removed from who I really was. I felt that nobody would accept me with all my issues and scars…so I tried to be who I was not...for years. I didn’t talk about my past. I repressed the bad memories. I would tell myself “None of that ever happened.” I'm not proud of that.
 

Being in an abusive relationship is dangerous. It will mess up your self-esteem, bruise your identity alongside the physical and emotional pain. I could have walked away from that toxic relationship as soon as things started to unravel…but I CHOSE not to, for reasons that seemed reasonable to me at that time: “He’s a nice guy,” “I can help him change,” “He’s just stressed because of school pressures,” all kinds of reasons. But I kept this person in my life far too long and I paid a price for it.
 

I’m always grateful to God He pulled me out of that dark place I dwelled in years after all of this had happened. I’m thankful for the Grace that healed my heart and taught me the true meaning of love.
 

I've learned that there's no justification in remaining where you're being maltreated, abused and beaten. No matter how much or how hard you love someone, they must recognize their bad habits/character traits that need to be done away with. You shouldn’t lose your soul, worse still your life, in attempt to save someone else.
 

If you’re in a relationship where warning signs of abuse are glaring…walk away! Don’t wait till the first push comes. A push today may become a punch tomorrow and the next week, you may be lowered six-feet under.
 

And no! Marriage will not make those warning signs disappear. What you see in a person before marriage is what you will get in marriage.
You shouldn't marry that man or woman who treats you like an inanimate object.

 

ABUSE is not LOVE.  WALK AWAY!