Monday, 22 February 2016
5 Ways To Make Your Marriage Thrive
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Friday, 5 February 2016
While you wait...Love yourself.
While browsing through your Facebook news feed, you find out that your old classmate from high school is getting married. Later in the day three of your friends call to tell you about their upcoming weddings.
By nightfall, you're feeling bitter-sweet. Happy for your friends but sad that another night meets you in bed alone. You're tired of your "single" relationship status. You dread family get-togethers because you can't run away from questions like "When are we coming to eat rice?" "When are you quitting bachelorhood?" "You mean you still don't have a man in your life?"
By morning, you start to wonder if marriage was meant for you. Relationships come your way, but they usually end before you even think of a long term commitment.
It's easy to feel frustrated when your love life isn't how you had hoped it would. Every human being has an innate desire for companionship and love...it's natural to want to share your life with someone. However, you don't have to sit around and sulk...You don't have to think yourself into depression because all your friends are getting hitched and you're still single.
Being single can be very productive if you see it as opportunity to ready yourself for marriage.
What do I mean?
While you're single and searching:
Fall in love with yourself. Afterall, you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first...you can't give what you don't have. Loving yourself involves treating yourself right, appreciating who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. It's not about being self-involved or self-centered.
Develop self-worth. The value anyone has on you is a reflection of the value you place on yourself. When you value yourself, you make less room for abuse. When you know your worth, you won't settle for less.
Lastly, get to know yourself. If you don't know yourself, you won't know what you can/can't deal with in a relationship. When you know yourself, you will know what qualities you truly need in a mate.
Truth is that marriage isn't something you jump into "just because." It is serious business and you should be amply prepared for the journey beforehand.
While you wait, love yourself.
Copyright © 2016
Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Monday, 1 February 2016
TOXIC (A Short Story)
My short story series continues. This one is titled Toxic.
Happy reading!
TOXIC
Tom lay on the dusty, raggedy mattress in his stale prison cell staring at the ceiling. He barely got any sleep the night before. How he wished that his confinement to this horrendous place was just a horrible nightmare.
But it wasn't so.
This was his new reality. He had to spend the next four years of his life behind these rusty steel bars. He lay there, not knowing whether to scream or cry or both. This wasn't the turn his life was supposed to take...not at 34 years of age, not ever! Tears welled-up in his eyes.
As he lay there soliloquizing, the prison warden's voice startled him. "Number 35, up!" Tom obeyed and stood up from the bed, drying his eyes before the warden noticed the tears. 35 was his cell number and would be his moniker for the entirety of his time here, as was the prison's tradition. "Come with me," the warden said unlocking the cell gate for Tom to step out. Another warden approached and handcuffed him. As the trio headed towards the staircase area...some prisoners peeped and yelled mumbo-jumbo at them from their cells.
Tom was taken to the visitors area.
Seated at one of the tables was a journalist with whom he had agreed to do an exclusive tell-all interview about his life. Tom's incarceration had made headline news all over the state.
The session began.
He recounted his childhood years, specifically living through his parents tumultuous marriage, the many tears his mother cried in secret; unknown to her, he always heard her sobs from his room. "It was tough to listen to my mother cry" he said holding back tears as he reminisced.
From the moment Tom began exploring the dating scene, he resolved to be everything his father wasn't. He vowed to love wholeheartedly, totally and completely the woman who would be his wife; to protect and care for her. "I swore that I'll never ever leave her side."
He met Anne in the University. Their relationship began as a very deep, close friendship, then blossomed into a beautiful almost fairytale-like romance. They both graduated on the same day and a year later, were married. He was 28, Anne was two years younger.
Three years and two kids later, Anne was terribly unhappy in her marriage. She had confided in her sister about her marital woes, how Tom had changed from a sweet, loving, doting husband to an extremely possessive, obsessive, jealous control-freak. She decided to tell her sister because Tom's jealousy had reached toxic level. He now monitored her every move, listened in on her phone calls, and would even get up at night to go through her text messages, emails and social media profiles. If he spotted any communication from any male person, he'd accuse her of cheating. Many times, he had cursed-out her boss over the phone believing him to be her lover. He never let her go anywhere (besides the office) alone, whether it was to the grocery store or running errands. His change of behaviour began after their first child was born. Anne told her sister she didn't feel safe with Tom any longer; that as much as she loved him, she wasn't sure she could remain with him. Her sister tried to talk some sense into Tom but to no avail. Even his brothers couldn't get through to him.
Anne had tried to leave Tom twice but he begged her to stay, promising to change his ways.
A few weeks after the second near break-up, some respite came Anne's way; Tom had to travel for work. Alas! She'd have a little breathing space...it was sweet relief for her. Being around her husband had become suffocating. A week after Tom left, her cousin flew into town and Anne insisted he stay over at their house rather than a hotel since he would be in town for 3weeks. She could use some company but what she didn't know was that this act would nearly cost her cousin his life. And hers too!
Two days later, Tom's trip gets cut abruptly and he heads back home, anxious to know what his wife had been up to. He didn't inform her he was returning, wanting instead to surprise her. He gets home and finds the front door open, goes in and starts calling Anne's name. He doesn't see any sign of his wife or kids downstairs and heads upstairs to their room. Anne's cousin Matt was resting in the guest bedroom. He hears a voice and quickly gets up to go see who had entered the house. The two men had never met before. Matt walks toward the direction of the staircase. Just then Tom comes out of his room and is miffed at the sight of his wife's cousin. "Who on earth are you?!!" Tom yells and Matt turns round. But before he could respond, Tom's fist was in his face. He staggers slightly but doesn't fall. "Oh wait! wait! Tom, i'm Matt, Anne's cou..." Tom lands another punch this time to his nose and it starts to bleed. He pushes Matt to the floor and starts raining blows all over him. They're now both at the edge of the stairs in a tussle. Anne enters the house at this instance and is appalled to see her husband beating the life out of her cousin. "Tom! Tom! Please let him go, please!" It all happened in about a minute. Matt manages to wrestle Tom off his body but another punch came flying, this time to his forehead sending him down the stairs. Anne watches in shock as her cousin rolls down the stairs; he lands just at her feet, unconscious. Tom heads towards his wife but she runs right out of the house, frightened to the bone. A neighbor passing by sees Tom running after his wife and instinctively goes into their house where he spots Matt on the floor. He goes in search of help.
***
Two weeks later, Matt is in hospital recuperating from the fall. He suffered severe injuries to his head, neck and had two broken ribs. Doctors said it was a miracle he was in stable condition after falling down two flights of marble stairs.
On the day of Matt's fall, when Anne ran out of the house, she didn't get very far before her husband caught up with her, dragged her to a wooded area in the neighborhood and beat her almost lifeless. He got back home to find the police waiting for him. The neighbor who had made the distress call explained how he had seen Tom chasing after his wife. Tom was arrested. Anne was found an hour after her ordeal, alive but in critical condition.
In the proceeding weeks, Tom was charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of attempted murder. Anne had maintained that her husband deliberately pushed her cousin down the stairs with the intention of killing him.
Tom's trial lasted about six months. He was found guilty of the assault charges. For attempted murder, he was found not guilty. His stuck to his story that he and Matt were fighting and Matt tripped in the process. He was sentenced to 4 years in prison. A sentence Anne wasn't totally satisfied with but was relieved that the trial was over.
"She hasn't visited me in prison even once. She can't bring herself to look me in the eye,... my brother told me when he last visited. I wonder if she'd ever be able to do so," Tom said shaking his head sadly.
Within his first few months of incarceration, Tom had been approached by several journalists for an interview.
During the trial, he alluded that he truly did love Anne and was only being protective over her. "My father was possessive, that's not me." He had also thought Matt was Anne's lover, hence the rage and attack on him. Several people testified about his maltreatment of his wife.
***
Tom resolved to do this interview because being imprisoned has broken him completely; he now realizes his mistakes, and is sorry for the pain, both emotional and physical his wife went through because of him. He also regrets what he did to Matt.
He ended by telling the reporter that he is sharing his story so someone can learn from his mistake. The fact that neither Matt nor Anne died was God giving him a second chance to start life afresh. "If they had died, I'd be locked up forever."
He wants people to know that negative past experiences and/events don't have to affect your life negatively. I really did want to be so different from my father who didn't love my mother...but I took it to the extreme and ended up becoming just like him.
He also warns on the dangers of extreme jealously in relationships." The more you try to own someone, the more you push them away. When you love someone, you don't cage them but you allow them freedom to be who they are. I'm on the path to being a changed man. I hope Anne forgives me, even if she and I may never be together again. It's going to be a rough four years ahead, but knowing I have a chance to start over when I'm released is all the motivation I need to maintain my sanity in here," he said in conclusion.
By Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016
Happy reading!
TOXIC
Tom lay on the dusty, raggedy mattress in his stale prison cell staring at the ceiling. He barely got any sleep the night before. How he wished that his confinement to this horrendous place was just a horrible nightmare.
But it wasn't so.
This was his new reality. He had to spend the next four years of his life behind these rusty steel bars. He lay there, not knowing whether to scream or cry or both. This wasn't the turn his life was supposed to take...not at 34 years of age, not ever! Tears welled-up in his eyes.
As he lay there soliloquizing, the prison warden's voice startled him. "Number 35, up!" Tom obeyed and stood up from the bed, drying his eyes before the warden noticed the tears. 35 was his cell number and would be his moniker for the entirety of his time here, as was the prison's tradition. "Come with me," the warden said unlocking the cell gate for Tom to step out. Another warden approached and handcuffed him. As the trio headed towards the staircase area...some prisoners peeped and yelled mumbo-jumbo at them from their cells.
Tom was taken to the visitors area.
Seated at one of the tables was a journalist with whom he had agreed to do an exclusive tell-all interview about his life. Tom's incarceration had made headline news all over the state.
The session began.
He recounted his childhood years, specifically living through his parents tumultuous marriage, the many tears his mother cried in secret; unknown to her, he always heard her sobs from his room. "It was tough to listen to my mother cry" he said holding back tears as he reminisced.
From the moment Tom began exploring the dating scene, he resolved to be everything his father wasn't. He vowed to love wholeheartedly, totally and completely the woman who would be his wife; to protect and care for her. "I swore that I'll never ever leave her side."
He met Anne in the University. Their relationship began as a very deep, close friendship, then blossomed into a beautiful almost fairytale-like romance. They both graduated on the same day and a year later, were married. He was 28, Anne was two years younger.
Three years and two kids later, Anne was terribly unhappy in her marriage. She had confided in her sister about her marital woes, how Tom had changed from a sweet, loving, doting husband to an extremely possessive, obsessive, jealous control-freak. She decided to tell her sister because Tom's jealousy had reached toxic level. He now monitored her every move, listened in on her phone calls, and would even get up at night to go through her text messages, emails and social media profiles. If he spotted any communication from any male person, he'd accuse her of cheating. Many times, he had cursed-out her boss over the phone believing him to be her lover. He never let her go anywhere (besides the office) alone, whether it was to the grocery store or running errands. His change of behaviour began after their first child was born. Anne told her sister she didn't feel safe with Tom any longer; that as much as she loved him, she wasn't sure she could remain with him. Her sister tried to talk some sense into Tom but to no avail. Even his brothers couldn't get through to him.
Anne had tried to leave Tom twice but he begged her to stay, promising to change his ways.
A few weeks after the second near break-up, some respite came Anne's way; Tom had to travel for work. Alas! She'd have a little breathing space...it was sweet relief for her. Being around her husband had become suffocating. A week after Tom left, her cousin flew into town and Anne insisted he stay over at their house rather than a hotel since he would be in town for 3weeks. She could use some company but what she didn't know was that this act would nearly cost her cousin his life. And hers too!
Two days later, Tom's trip gets cut abruptly and he heads back home, anxious to know what his wife had been up to. He didn't inform her he was returning, wanting instead to surprise her. He gets home and finds the front door open, goes in and starts calling Anne's name. He doesn't see any sign of his wife or kids downstairs and heads upstairs to their room. Anne's cousin Matt was resting in the guest bedroom. He hears a voice and quickly gets up to go see who had entered the house. The two men had never met before. Matt walks toward the direction of the staircase. Just then Tom comes out of his room and is miffed at the sight of his wife's cousin. "Who on earth are you?!!" Tom yells and Matt turns round. But before he could respond, Tom's fist was in his face. He staggers slightly but doesn't fall. "Oh wait! wait! Tom, i'm Matt, Anne's cou..." Tom lands another punch this time to his nose and it starts to bleed. He pushes Matt to the floor and starts raining blows all over him. They're now both at the edge of the stairs in a tussle. Anne enters the house at this instance and is appalled to see her husband beating the life out of her cousin. "Tom! Tom! Please let him go, please!" It all happened in about a minute. Matt manages to wrestle Tom off his body but another punch came flying, this time to his forehead sending him down the stairs. Anne watches in shock as her cousin rolls down the stairs; he lands just at her feet, unconscious. Tom heads towards his wife but she runs right out of the house, frightened to the bone. A neighbor passing by sees Tom running after his wife and instinctively goes into their house where he spots Matt on the floor. He goes in search of help.
***
Two weeks later, Matt is in hospital recuperating from the fall. He suffered severe injuries to his head, neck and had two broken ribs. Doctors said it was a miracle he was in stable condition after falling down two flights of marble stairs.
On the day of Matt's fall, when Anne ran out of the house, she didn't get very far before her husband caught up with her, dragged her to a wooded area in the neighborhood and beat her almost lifeless. He got back home to find the police waiting for him. The neighbor who had made the distress call explained how he had seen Tom chasing after his wife. Tom was arrested. Anne was found an hour after her ordeal, alive but in critical condition.
In the proceeding weeks, Tom was charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of attempted murder. Anne had maintained that her husband deliberately pushed her cousin down the stairs with the intention of killing him.
Tom's trial lasted about six months. He was found guilty of the assault charges. For attempted murder, he was found not guilty. His stuck to his story that he and Matt were fighting and Matt tripped in the process. He was sentenced to 4 years in prison. A sentence Anne wasn't totally satisfied with but was relieved that the trial was over.
"She hasn't visited me in prison even once. She can't bring herself to look me in the eye,... my brother told me when he last visited. I wonder if she'd ever be able to do so," Tom said shaking his head sadly.
Within his first few months of incarceration, Tom had been approached by several journalists for an interview.
During the trial, he alluded that he truly did love Anne and was only being protective over her. "My father was possessive, that's not me." He had also thought Matt was Anne's lover, hence the rage and attack on him. Several people testified about his maltreatment of his wife.
***
Tom resolved to do this interview because being imprisoned has broken him completely; he now realizes his mistakes, and is sorry for the pain, both emotional and physical his wife went through because of him. He also regrets what he did to Matt.
He ended by telling the reporter that he is sharing his story so someone can learn from his mistake. The fact that neither Matt nor Anne died was God giving him a second chance to start life afresh. "If they had died, I'd be locked up forever."
He wants people to know that negative past experiences and/events don't have to affect your life negatively. I really did want to be so different from my father who didn't love my mother...but I took it to the extreme and ended up becoming just like him.
He also warns on the dangers of extreme jealously in relationships." The more you try to own someone, the more you push them away. When you love someone, you don't cage them but you allow them freedom to be who they are. I'm on the path to being a changed man. I hope Anne forgives me, even if she and I may never be together again. It's going to be a rough four years ahead, but knowing I have a chance to start over when I'm released is all the motivation I need to maintain my sanity in here," he said in conclusion.
By Koko Wanjiru Ekpo Davids
Copyright 2016
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