ROMANCE?...RESPECT!!

Oftentimes, when asked what the keys for having a healthy relationship are, people identify communication, trust, attention, appreciation etc. as being important. Hardly ever does “respect” get a mention.

However grossly disregarded, I believe it is one of the most essential elements needed to build a successful/long-lasting relationship. Could that be what inspired Aretha Franklin to sing “R E S P E C T…find out what it means to me?...R E S P E C T...take care TCB.”

That's just by the way.

According to Wikipedia, respect is defined as: “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.” Elsewhere, Merriam Webster's Dictionary defines respect as: "an act of giving particular attention to" or "a high or special regard" [for someone/something].

Based on the above definitions, I define respect in the context of relationships as: “giving particular attention or showing appreciation for the person you are in a relationship with.  It also involves showing regard for the things that concern him/her.”

From the forgoing, I have identified four key areas where respect comes into play in relationships.

 

Respect for gender differences.
Men and women need to respect those psychological and behavioral traits that define their respective genders. They both are intrinsically different as God so fashioned/created them. Based on this, they will never respond in the same manner to the same situation. This is an unchangeable fact. For instance, men generally are logical beings, while women are emotional; hence men are often described as “thinkers” while women are “feelers.” Both parties in a relationship need to respect and accept these gender differences. A woman shouldn't expect a man to behave the way she does or vice-versa. Showing respect in this capacity demonstrates that both of you value each other's gender.

 

Respect individual differences.

In a relationship, the two must learn to respect the fact that individual differences in personality and character will always exist. This holds true because both were nurtured differently. Undoubtedly for a relationship to work, two people must have a lot of things in common but there will always be areas where dissimilarities are present. Learn to view your differences as uniqueness, not a weakness.

Respect ascribed valuable things/spaces.

For married couples, the importance of this cannot be understated. As much as you may have the right to each other's things...you should learn to respect whatever spaces/items that are of value to the other person. Whether it is your spouse's shoe closet or book collection, for instance. Nobody likes their stuff being messed up wantonly. Tolerance shouldn't be an excuse to disrespect each other’s valuables.

Respect the need for alone time.

Quality time together is essential in relationships...but we must remember that there will be moments when we may want to be alone for one reason or another. If your significant other has asked for this, then respect his/her wish. This is where being considerate of the other's desires comes into play. Don't think that because someone loves you, he/she must spend every passing moment with you.

 

Realize that you don't have to love someone in order to show them respect...but if you profess to love a person, then you SHOULD respect him/her. Don't intentionally act in a rude manner or talk carelessly, just because the other person can handle it. Behave respectfully as much as it depends on you. Also learn to respect (and not ridicule or belittle) each other's achievements (career-wise, academic, etc.).

 

When you respect the person you love, it shows that you value him/her and hence, your relationship.
Remember that respect is earned, not given.

I leave you with a quote from a book I once read: "the true meaning of romance is respect."